• Carrots: That green stem on top? Most yee-yee ass haircut I’ve ever seen. Good luck rizzing up any other taproots with that!
  • Broccoli: Why the fuck are you a tiny tree? Couldn’t grow as big as a normal tree so instead you let people eat you? Really shows how defeated you must feel!
  • Onions: You think you’re hot shit because you make people cry when they cut you? Haha, you still get cut anyway. It’s funny how you have so many layers but apparently not enough depth to think that through!
  • Potatoes: Should I even include you? I thought veggies were supposed to be nutritious and good for you! There’s a reason why people usually consume you in the most unhealthy ways imaginable. You’re only good for junk!
  • Peas: Bro, your name is literally “pee,” haha. Need I say more?
  • Lettuce: Yeah, “lettuce” never see you on a sandwich ever again. You’re just some big flaky green leaf with hardly any actual nutritional value. Next!
  • Tomatoes: You look big and plump, but it’s really just a ton of liquid! Surprise! When you get cut open, we all see that your fullness is a lie, as you just spill your juices everywhere and go limp! What a fraud!
  • Peppers: You think you’re spicy, but you’re not. You’re clearly also so damn cowardly. When I cut you open, why the fuck do you look like you’re screaming? It’s because everyone can see through your spicy facade. We’re not intimidated by it!
  • Olives: Olive? Yeah, “Olive” to eat literally any other vegetable besides you. You are a salty mess, and you’ll stay salty knowing that nobody wants you.
  • Cucumbers: Dude… you have “cum” in your name. Haha! Need I say more?
  • Spinach: Only about 1 gram of protein per serving yet Popeye used you for strength? Yeah, it’s obvious bullshit that was made up to feed your ego. Not only that, but you shrink like hell when you’re cooked. Since I’m roasting you, I might not have any of you left after this!