Beach culture in Italy is almost as toxic as Football. Fuck resorts, the legalised corruption with which they assign licenses, fuck all the people packed together on a tiny patch of sand “washed” by trash and piss-filled water, fuck highways with kilometres-long queues and overpriced petrol.

If I have to go the beach, I go to rocky beaches, where the water is clear and there are fewer people because they’re all brain-dead pussies. Bonus points if it takes a hike to get there.

Otherwise I’ll go to the river.