Clearly I am 100% heterosexual. Clearly. But I keep thinking about men kissing shirtless.
Look, I’m not a hateful person or anything–I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I’ve been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.
Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man’s man, too–big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn’t seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.
Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don’t recall the phrase, “Suck my cock” entering the conversation, and I don’t have a sign around my neck that reads, “Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock.”
I’ve got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, then I’ve got a real problem.
Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he’s sucking my cock!
What is it with these homos? Can’t they control their sexual urges? Aren’t there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?
Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who’ve come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
and I don’t have a sign around my neck that reads, “Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock.”
Hey I hate to be that guy, but you do actually have a sign saying that around your neck, like right now.
I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots?
It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I’m afraid he’s going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I’ve even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife–even some that haven’t actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can’t seem to stop thinking about.
i envy this guy. lol
You have two paths ahead of you now: be the gayest man or the straightest woman.
Most dude smooching enby (hidden path)
Nah they have pretty girl fights and enby elephants, I’ve probably reached that list and I’ve noticed a lot of points, which I know no reason not to share but I’m sure they’ll ever answer.
I have two hot and both (sharp cum)
How can one claim to be the strongest warrior when they have never seen battle?
My favorite interpretation of heterosexuality is that my attraction to you makes you necessarily feminine. Femininity is defined by my attraction because I am by definition heterosexual
I’ve been sort of using this in the reverse direction to tell my straight, mildly transphobic friends that it’s like normal for them to be into trans women. One time they sent a picture to the gc of what I assume to be a trans woman pornstar (bc of the context) and I was like “I’m really not attracted to her guys I think that you gotta be straight to like her”
I dream of a world where you don’t need to live up to the label of being straight. It’s the only sexuality that needs to be maintained, defended, and proven instead of just lived in comfortably. Kiss a trans woman and see how straight you feel.
See I invert this. Since I am gay everyone I am attracted to is a gay attraction, regardless of their thoughts about it
Just put shirts on the imaginary men then it’s not gay, then smooch away
Idk, it’s some sort of dialectics or whatever?
Because everyone wants to smooch dads
Like doing weird shit in the gym, straight men need to keep some gay thoughts to confuse the body
