First of all, I am very sorry about your wife, I really know what it feels like to lose someone to cancer since I also lost my father to cancer, when I was 11 years old. I wish you strength and health.
I think having as intimate and strong a bond as you can with just one other person who returns that in full is one of the most valuable things a person can have in life.
Now to this, I’m not saying that psychological bonds or intimacy are not important or bad. What I really mean is that people demonize another equally important and good form of intimacy, physical and sexual, and for younger people, experimentation without commitments before a more serious relationship, which even correlates with a greater likelihood of being satisfied in future serious relationships (monogamous or polygamous), and less likelihood of cheating. Although polygamous AND open relationships, I think they are the best, even if on the other hand they are more difficult to have and maintain, because there is evidence that points to the fact that people are less likely to feel dissatisfied with a relationship if they can still experiment with other people.
It feels so wrong to both her and anyone I would move on to and such a betrayal of my own personal values that it’s unthinkable to me on the level of cannibalism. When people expect me to move on my revulsion is what I expect it would be if there was a dead person laying there and those people expected me to start eating them.
This is clearly a false equivalency fallacy. You can’t compare those things. I don’t think that getting another couple is something bad or makes everything you promised to her false. You may not like to do that, and that’s totally respectable, but criminalizing or dehumanizing it is way too much. I think that’s part of letting go, and I’m not trying to minimize your feelings nor the feelings of people that’s living something similar, but telling that it’s a form of self-care and self-healing.
Although polygamous AND open relationships, I think they are the best, even if on the other hand they are more difficult to have and maintain…
Anecdotal, but I’ve been around about a dozen polygamous relationships.
Only one would I have considered “healthy” the rest at least one sometimes even two of the people involved were being taken severe emotional advantage of. One person is usually taking advantage for their own self serving reasons.
TBH I put it in the same category as Christianity, it sounds good on paper, but reality is 99% of “Christians” shouldn’t even be allowed to be called Christian much less good ones.
First, I didn’t say I wanted to criminalize people having another relationship if a spouse dies. It seems completely wrong and awful to me, however I understand that not all people are going to hold the same views and values. I can only live by mine to the best of my ability, I don’t try to impose them on others. But yes, me doing that would very literally would make a lot of the things I’ve said in the past lies.
Again, we’re polar opposites on this. I’m not making a false equivalence. I’m trying to explain my level of revulsion on this issue as it’s not something you’d understand. It’s something I find to be completely and absolutely immoral.
It changes the primary focus and most important aspect from the bond of love and dedication between two people, to not having to be lonely and go without fucking someone. It seems base, and degrading to anything that should hold true meaning and value.
You’re making it, even if it’s as something you think, that doesn’t change the fact that the logical structure of that reasoning is a false equivallence — killing and cannibalizing someone can’t never compare to just get someone else after you lost someone before — and if you say that it’s for some kind of respect, that seems really creepy, if I died tomorrow, I wouldn’t want my couple to be sentenced to be alone (in a romantic and sexual way) the rest of their life, even if they promised that to me.
I never said killing someone. I said eating a dead human. Like eating the body of a dead human, getting into a relationship with another person after having been married is a thing that doesn’t physically harm anyone in any way but that I find to be completely wrong and morally repugnant.
That’s not a false equivalence, it’s just an actual equivalence that you don’t like hearing.
First of all, I am very sorry about your wife, I really know what it feels like to lose someone to cancer since I also lost my father to cancer, when I was 11 years old. I wish you strength and health.
Now to this, I’m not saying that psychological bonds or intimacy are not important or bad. What I really mean is that people demonize another equally important and good form of intimacy, physical and sexual, and for younger people, experimentation without commitments before a more serious relationship, which even correlates with a greater likelihood of being satisfied in future serious relationships (monogamous or polygamous), and less likelihood of cheating. Although polygamous AND open relationships, I think they are the best, even if on the other hand they are more difficult to have and maintain, because there is evidence that points to the fact that people are less likely to feel dissatisfied with a relationship if they can still experiment with other people.
This is clearly a false equivalency fallacy. You can’t compare those things. I don’t think that getting another couple is something bad or makes everything you promised to her false. You may not like to do that, and that’s totally respectable, but criminalizing or dehumanizing it is way too much. I think that’s part of letting go, and I’m not trying to minimize your feelings nor the feelings of people that’s living something similar, but telling that it’s a form of self-care and self-healing.
Anecdotal, but I’ve been around about a dozen polygamous relationships.
Only one would I have considered “healthy” the rest at least one sometimes even two of the people involved were being taken severe emotional advantage of. One person is usually taking advantage for their own self serving reasons.
TBH I put it in the same category as Christianity, it sounds good on paper, but reality is 99% of “Christians” shouldn’t even be allowed to be called Christian much less good ones.
First, I didn’t say I wanted to criminalize people having another relationship if a spouse dies. It seems completely wrong and awful to me, however I understand that not all people are going to hold the same views and values. I can only live by mine to the best of my ability, I don’t try to impose them on others. But yes, me doing that would very literally would make a lot of the things I’ve said in the past lies.
Again, we’re polar opposites on this. I’m not making a false equivalence. I’m trying to explain my level of revulsion on this issue as it’s not something you’d understand. It’s something I find to be completely and absolutely immoral.
It changes the primary focus and most important aspect from the bond of love and dedication between two people, to not having to be lonely and go without fucking someone. It seems base, and degrading to anything that should hold true meaning and value.
You’re making it, even if it’s as something you think, that doesn’t change the fact that the logical structure of that reasoning is a false equivallence — killing and cannibalizing someone can’t never compare to just get someone else after you lost someone before — and if you say that it’s for some kind of respect, that seems really creepy, if I died tomorrow, I wouldn’t want my couple to be sentenced to be alone (in a romantic and sexual way) the rest of their life, even if they promised that to me.
I never said killing someone. I said eating a dead human. Like eating the body of a dead human, getting into a relationship with another person after having been married is a thing that doesn’t physically harm anyone in any way but that I find to be completely wrong and morally repugnant.
That’s not a false equivalence, it’s just an actual equivalence that you don’t like hearing.