The idea that Stalin was simultaneously a totalitarian dictator while also being tremendously popular among the people presents a false reality. Either Stalin was a genuinely unpopular ruler with total control, or he was a popularly supported and therefore legitimized leader of a socialist country. Regarding the questioning of your grandmother, I think what’s at most to blame is the reactionary nationalist elements that the soviets were forced to take seriously, as they did indeed become vectors for terrorism within the Soviet Union.