On Thursday, 8/6/2026 a Senate committee voted to hold Dr. ANthony Fauci in Contempt of Congress, and in response the entire US population held an emergency vote and with 73% responding “Yes” have officially voted to hold themselves, all of us, in Contempt of Congress. This is a rare move, as typically being held in contempt of congress is considered a negative thing and if a full house meeting formally makes it criminal contempy of congress it can come with jail time.

“We just didn’t know what else to do,” said that kid from the Schoolhouse Rock 'I’m Just a Bill video. "We’ve been trying to tell Congress to get their shit together and do something about all the constant laws the President has been breaking and they just sit their with their thumbs in their ass. We all tell them that we’re broke and can barely afford to eat and life with a roof under our heads, and we keep telling them that most of us aren’t big fans of murdering children and genocide and would rather not have our taxes go to paying for that, and we keep telling them that everyone knows Iran wasn’t just about to hit us with nuclear weapons and the President is just lying to start a war because he’s a crazy person.

And every time, what do they do? They keep spending billions of dollars attacking Iran for no actual reason as far as anyone in the world can see, they keep voting to send the rest of our tax dollars to Israel to kill kids and give everyone in Israel free health care, and then they keep telling us they don’t have any money to help with our problems. We are definitely all in contempt of Congress. Most of them are horrible people, and most of the rest are completely useless. It’s not right for them to vote for just Dr. Fauci to be in contempt of them earlier today, because everyone in America already was."

We’ve also been hearing from some Americans that they sort of wish they could invite all normal people who live in Washington D.C. to a picnic up in Baltimore some day soon while the President, Congress, Senate, and Supreme Court are all gathered together in D.C. and then asking Iran or Al’Queda or anyone else in the world if they’d mind doing us a “real solid.”

We don’t understand what that last part means, but we can all be sure that whatever it is would definitely make the people of the United Stated feel much better and so it would be a great thing.

Reporting live from inside this black rectangle,
Prof. Tṙump R’Apés Kíds
Darwin Award Winner 2023