I don’t think that’s the case, i did not have close contact with my ex’s colleages, but the 3 pairs i got to know pretty much confirmed the complaints - hubbys rather gaming all night long than caring for the newborn child or working on his education that he started years ago, using very aggressive voice when talking with their wives, not even touching anything in the household outside of making a mess and so on.

I was very bad regarding chores because of my permanent mental overload (oh how much i tried to live up to expectations only to fail again and again), but at least i tried and she recognized it (She always said the most important thing was that i kept trying. Actually, that really was the most important thing, because it helped me develop at least some skill regarding self-care). I also loved to cook elaborate meals for her, even when it stressed the fuck out of me, and was able to bake our own rye bread for about 3 years which she absolutely loved. I also always was able to make her birthday a very special event (one time i filled the entire living room with helium filled balloons over night which she really loved - we played around like children in there, and the cats were thrilled too lol).

When talking with the wives, there was an absolute absence of things like these in their marriages. I’d say their complaints were absolutely valid.