there was a dawning feeling yesterday of hatred and resentment i had for a friend and i was angry at myself for it. it was something to do with how i can interact with people and have Fun and yet also there’s such a dissonance between who i am and my values and politics and theirs, sometimes insurmountable. not really a matter of her position starting differently from mine mind you, it’s more i feel i can’t actually get through to her in deprogramming anticommunism

the sad part is i feel like i only have what i know through heuristics (i know fairly loosely about imperialism and how it works as a way to maximize profits to escape falling rate of profit, that the system eventually is eating its own tail and destroying us, and then i know about facets of history like imperialist wars and lies the america tells us, but then of course there’s the issue of trying to argue and convince others and actually explaining logic of everything. EDIT: i think what drives me mad is that for other friends i can give them evidence which undermines the capitalist indoctrination so they’re more open. but the friend will outright refuse to accept whatever evidence is contrary to what they already know.)

tldr: it makes me less angry having a friend that initially doesn’t even try to have a political education than one that sources all hers from tiktok and instagram subliminal ‘leftist’ (virulently anticommunist but posturing at anticapitalist) accounts or algorithm that then is extra resistant to actual skepticism around the commonly agreed anti-communist history