We met on the dating app, and our 1st two dates were amazing. He even said he’s impressed by how naturally we clicked and conversation flows. I felt this magnetic pull and wondered if it might be what I hear about when it comes to the real thing. It felt different, and I was so excited for our potential future together. I’m very attracted and couldn’t stop thinking about him. I felt seen and heard.

For context, I’ve had a rigorous career-focused few years, and vacations were overdue. I really needed to take more time to myself for my overall well-being and health before my next role starts, so I recently booked two trips: a long one with family and then a short solo one with two weeks at home in between. During those weeks, I met up with this guy in person after we had messaged back and forth for about a week leading up to my long trip a couple months ago.

Our chemistry and banter is great, and I thought we had a strong connection, but I feel like I’m being faulted for things I didn’t technically do wrong and it seems to be a pattern. He followed up prematurely during my long trip after I made sure to give a heads-up that I would be unplugging (I replied as soon as I could and didn’t apologize for the delay or think of him as crossing my boundary at the time, just glad he followed up and showed interest). Then he arrived 15 minutes early to our 2nd date and I was apologetic saying I may arrive 5 minutes after the reservation time due to traffic coming from an important professional meeting but I’ll be there ASAP; I ultimately arrived right on time but he later half-jokingly said that I arrived late, to which I half-jokingly said I was on time per the original plan. He also complained about parts of the venue (I initiated and planned this date). He did hold my hands and kiss me but it was all tongue which threw me off (I thought maybe that’s just him wanting to be more warm so I didn’t flag it right away). He didn’t try to be physical on our first date which I was relieved about as I’m tired of guys trying to get me to be casual with them. We briefly mentioned our intentions, and he said he wouldn’t continue with someone if he didn’t see the long-term potential.

Our date wrapped up with me saying I was going to unplug during my upcoming solo trip but I would text him as soon as I was back and he said “we can plan something”. That same night, he did initiate the goodnight text and liked my first text but ignored the second one saying enjoy the event he asked me to attend with him but I said early on I may be traveling during that time which turned out to be true. I tried not to read into it because it’s still early in our interactions and maybe he went with another girl or felt a bit bruised that I couldn’t drop everything - even though it’s just that I meant what I said.

As promised, I warmly and affectionately texted him as soon as I could after my trip before realizing he had unmatched me. I was shocked to see that. My phone unfortunately got water damage while traveling but I highly doubt that erased only him from the app. I’m also unsure if I possibly missed a text from him in the few days between losing my phone and getting a new one, but I doubt it. Either way, his tone is colder now and he said we “could possibly” plan something once his upcoming move is done, but none of it sounds reassuring and he literally said “will do” which is basically “I’ll keep it in mind” aka it fizzles out and he’s hoping we don’t have to have the clarification talk.

Please help me out, friends! I would really appreciate any help or advice. What exactly made him change his mind? What should I do or say to him? Did I do anything wrong? I don’t want to be made to feel guilty/ashamed of the time I needed to take off, and I thought it was the right thing to start the conversations earlier versus wait. Should I ask for a call if he doesn’t follow up for a 3rd date? Should I keep trying with him even if I have to “chase” a bit since my schedule has been a bit unpredictable and abnormal?