Asking because I just sat through a family feud within earshot at a local coffee joint. Parents giving advice to son, who looked 30ish, all quite civil, full of the ‘can I speak for a minute’, ‘your minute is up’ and so on, with some ‘when we were your age’ and ‘you must/ will learn’ etc. Mum ended with ‘i don’t have to justify anything to you’.

My dad stopped once I got out of high school, but mum seems to chime in from time to time. I’m well into my middle age.

When should parents stop parenting and just let the kid fail/ thrive on their own? I just feel sometimes the parents are the problem, regardless of good intentions.

  • garbagebagel@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    54
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    1 day ago

    I’m in my mid 30s and I just texted my mom for advice on texting a stranger. I regularly ask her for advice on laundry, cooking, dishes. I still get my dad to review my resume when I apply for jobs. My parents don’t get a choice but to keep parenting.

    Do they sometimes give me unsolicited advice that’s out of touch and sometimes even hurtful? Sure. Would I give up their parenting for anything else? Absolutely not.

    Of course, I understand what an absolute privilege this is because not everyone has parents that are decent people.

    All this to say, parent for as long as it is beneficial to your children. And if you’re a child, listen to your parents for as long as it is beneficial to you.

    • JeeBaiChow@lemmy.worldOP
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      1 day ago

      I think parents should always be there, as a friend, advisor, confidant, etc. my question was about the overbearing types that want to control your life. Maybe it’s about a lifestyle choice they disagree with, or a friend they don’t like, etc.

      (Sorry, replied to the main post with this earlier)

      • garbagebagel@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        6
        ·
        23 hours ago

        Fair enough, but see my last point: if your parents version of parenting is no longer serving you and is often harming you, then you as an adult can make the decision to walk away from that.

        There’s no real “age” rule here, it’s a very personal decision, and I’d say it’s more often a decision made by the child rather than the parent. Parents are gonna keep parenting for as long as they have offspring to listen to them, whether they’re good at it or not.