I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
My father was 41 when I was born and just from my personal experience I wouldn’t do that to a child. My father was very active and played sports regularly, but still when I was in elementary school he was already too old for many things. Accidents happened and at that age the body doesn’t really heal well from injuries. His back hurt too much to pick me up, no riding in daddy’s shoulders. A lot of “Please be more quiet”, “Don’t be so wild” etc in my childhood. I always resented that, because I saw other dads being very active and going out, playing, running with their kids the same age as me. No matter how active your husband is now, his body won’t tolerate injuries or sleep deprivation as much anymore.
When I went to university my parents told me they wouldn’t be able to support me as much as my older brother, because my father was retiring soon. Have you thought of the financial aspects? If your husband retires around 65, your child will be in his early teens. Will you be able to provide money for school trips, college funds etc.?
You also have a high chance of any health related problem quickly becoming exponentially worse with age. As I said, my father was very active and played in a local basketball team. He had a knee injury and needed surgery when he was around 50, so I was still in elementary school. It was a minor surgery and would have been no problem for someone younger, but at his age it never fully healed and kicked off a lot of related health issues. He visibly deteriorated after that and within 10 years he became slower in moving and thinking. He was still as active as possible, but that wasn’t very much. Being a teenager whose father always demanded peace and quiet, who needed things to be repeated several times because his hearing was failing, wasn’t very fun.
You will deprive your child of a lot. Their father won’t be there for them in many key ways that other parents are: he’ll be too old to help with moving to the first appartment, too out of touch and tired when the question of buying the first car comes up. There’s a good chance he won’t be there anymore for the wedding. And you aren’t doing yourself a favor either when you’re going to have to take care of an aging husband and a young adult who just left the nest and still needs support in your 50s.
And all that is if you can get pregnant quickly, which is also getting unlikely given his age.