Something clicked for me about ADHD after I saw this vid on youtube where somebody interviews two kids, one neurotypical and one ADHD, and the ADHD kid is asked at the end what they want to say to kids who don’t have ADHD about kids who do. And she has this heartbreaking line, “[They could help them by] telling them that whatever you do, it’s still right because you tried your best.”

I would say my thought applies more to disability in general under capitalism than ADHD specifically. But basically, it’s that people with ADHD, and people with disabilities more generally, work extra hard to manage only to still be seen as inadequate, inferior, or otherwise less-than-competitive for situations where steady, consistent labor is needed. It’s something that is probably kind of obvious to a lot of people with disabilities, but I guess for me, because ADHD is this mostly invisible thing, it’s always been hard to internalize that for myself. I want to believe that I can be “normal” and live a “normal” life, and it just doesn’t work that way. I am often climbing uphill at times when others are walking a straight line and it may help explain some of the weariness that I chronically feel. And yet, whether because of my scattered disposition or playfulness as a coping mechanism or something, it seems like I can appear the opposite of how I feel at times with the people who most need to understand what it’s really like for me: like I’m just chill and goofy and having a good time. I think it’s a form of masking in a way. It’s not that I’m lying about being playful, but it doesn’t really show the part underneath that thinks the concept of sleeping for a year in the hope it will rejuvenate me is a nice idea, even if it doesn’t make any logistical sense.

Vid for those who are curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IO6zqIm88s