In BPD, there’s a lot of “everything is my fault,” and the nemesis is often oneself. Self-sabotage becomes an unconscious habit.

The false realities of narcissism are “I’m the best ever. Everyone loves me.” The false realities of BPD are often “No one loves me. I’m unlovable. I’m literally the worst.” A narcissist gaslights others. Someone with BPD gaslights themself.

They’re not at all the same, and treating them like they’re the same thing is so harmful. It’s impossible for someone with BPD to recover if the whole world treats them like they’re a narcissist.

Imagine the harm of being in therapy and wanting to get better, but when you learn that “everything isn’t actually your fault; your not perfect, but no one is; you’re not unlovable, you just haven’t found the right people for you yet,” then when you go out and try to put those principles into use, everyone treats you the way they should treat narcissists.

Narcissists are often extroverts and crave attention; the treatment for NPD (in the rare case they’re willing to undergo treatment) involves taking a step back and looking within. People with BPD are often introverts and are already isolated, may even have social phobias. The treatment involves more human interaction and looking to others to get outside of one’s own head.

Completely opposite treatments for completely opposite problems. But if you have BPD and tell someone that you do, they think “ew, cluster B” and won’t get near you because of the stigma. Everyone treats you the way they should treat narcissists, while narcissists continue being treated well socially because they’re extroverted and can be charismatic or charming, and people are more comfortable with that even when the person is magnitudes shittier than someone with BPD.

And often people with BPD can see through narcissist’s bullshit, even when seemingly no one else does. They often resent narcissists, because they see them for what they are, and they see people treating them so kindly and sometimes reverently, while the same people treat the person with BPD like a feral dog, with mange or rabies.

Because the person with BPD is shy, awkward, introverted, possibly with a social phobia, and certainly a low self-esteem. The person with NPD is the opposite of all that, and it’s clear who society prefers. Even if the person with BPD tries warning people about the guy with NPD, like “hey, he’s abusive/manipulative/deceptive/whatever,” NPDs love to use DARVO and will probably turn everything around on them.

A person with BPD might DARVO themself though. Like if they’re a victim of something or not in any way to blame, they’ll tell themself it was all their own fault. Imagine deconstructing that narrative in therapy, and finally going “You know what, it really isn’t my fault,” only for the whole world to then go “YES IT IS!!!” Because they have you confused with NPD. And then they go back to kowtowing to all the undiagnosed NPD people who are out there.

There’s a reason a symptom of BPD is learned helplessness, not the delusions of grandeur associated with NPD.

Treating them the same way is harmful.