If I may comment on this and idk if I’m qualified I don’t consider myself experienced enough, but nevertheless I’ve been lurking around places for roughly a decade now just observing people. I can’t tell if I’m a bad observer or a bad communicator cause I often either get ignored or told to stfu, but I’ve had a really hard time holding a productive discussion in Marxist online spaces. Which is frustrating, but based on the texts I’ve read there’s also nothing I can really do about it.

Honestly the thing that got me to "join’ the movement is I’ve been trying to figure out how I can help people from my home. Many struggling and the only solace they can find is in a church that promises them happiness in the next life, because their current one is too bad, but I haven’t been able to help them much so far and that obviously makes me a bad student. So the fault is probably on me here tbh.

I’m not naive I know I’m not meant for anything great. I wanna make sure everyone understands I am not big headed I’m just a tiny little pebble on the road for the real heroes, but my point is maybe we should find more tailored resources to study how we can be be happy about being a cog in a big machine and stop trying to be the next Mao or Lenin, because our material conditions prevent us from being such a people. It pains me to say this. I wish I could save the people I love, but that’s just reality. I think we have a tendency to moralize too much and feeding each other false hopes, because nobody wants to be the bearer of bad news. And I’m scared that if we just hope for a big moment and aren’t willing to do all the tiny things needed to make the moment happen, we’re lost. If there’s books in other languages I can try to squeeze in extra language learning and translation in my schedule. I should have enough lifespan left for it. Although I would appreciate if someone assisted me in translation efforts. I’m not that capable of an asset, bad enough no org wants me near them. Is it possible that my desire to assist my grandma and her friends/families makes me a reactionary? But I haven’t been able to rid myself of these emotions and in that case I’ve failed.