Google’s TurboQuant has the internet joking about Pied Piper from HBO's "Silicon Valley." The compression algorithm promises to shrink AI’s “working memory” by up to 6x, but it’s still just a lab experiment for now.
Abstract
A probabilistic model is introduced for the problem of stimulating a
large male audience. Double jerking is considered, in which two shafts
may be stimulated with a single hand. Both tip-to-tip and shaft-to-shaft
configurations of audience members are analyzed. We demonstrate that
pre-sorting members of the audience according to both shaft girth and leg
length allows for more efficient stimulation. Simulations establish steady
rates of stimulation even as the variance of certain parameters is allowed
to grow, whereas naive unsorted schemes have increasingly flaccid perfor-
mance.
Some people will have you believe it’s all about the angle of the dangle, while we all know it’s about length times diameter plus weight over girth divided by angle of the tip squared.
Okay, but did Google calculate how many dicks they could jerk off for maximum efficiency?
👉👈
Well that depends on a lot of factors. One of them being the distance of dick to floor of every one they would jerk. Call that D2F.
Hopefully they thought of it.
Someone already done a paper on it:
https://ia800308.us.archive.org/32/items/pdfy-tG1MuMpwvrML6QD0/228831637-Optimal-Tip-to-Tip-Efficiency.pdf
Abstract A probabilistic model is introduced for the problem of stimulating a large male audience. Double jerking is considered, in which two shafts may be stimulated with a single hand. Both tip-to-tip and shaft-to-shaft configurations of audience members are analyzed. We demonstrate that pre-sorting members of the audience according to both shaft girth and leg length allows for more efficient stimulation. Simulations establish steady rates of stimulation even as the variance of certain parameters is allowed to grow, whereas naive unsorted schemes have increasingly flaccid perfor- mance.
Some people will have you believe it’s all about the angle of the dangle, while we all know it’s about length times diameter plus weight over girth divided by angle of the tip squared.
Yes it was part of their quarterly circlejerk.
That’s the earnings report