A lack of filter means saying whatever is on your mind without considering politeness, appropriateness, relevance, or respect for the situation. People who have no filter may use profanity when they should not or bring up sensitive topics such as religion, politics, sex, body parts, or body odors in ways that offend others. Human communication follows social norms, and these norms discourage creating unnecessary controversy, embarrassing people, or discussing highly divisive topics in casual conversation. When someone ignores these norms, they may be seen as awkward, weird, or socially unaware, and others may feel unsafe or uncomfortable interacting with them. Appropriateness is a skill that can be learned by thinking before speaking, considering the audience and situation, and asking whether something is respectful, relevant, and suitable to say.
I have a pretty tight filter, I think. No one has ever told me I needed to talk less, or more judiciously. However, I have a filter for a reason, and the filter isn’t 100% effective. I think it’s something I get better at with practice though.
My brain has a font of mostly nonsense running more or less all the time. I don’t hear it all the time the same way I don’t hear a clock all the time, but I don’t think it ever shuts off completely.
I say it’s mostly nonsense because every once in a while, maybe by random chance, it’ll produce an idea that merits a second look. 99% of those ideas are, on second look, gibberish, but every once in a rare while it’ll be a bona fide coherent thought.
Paying attention to the font is great for solo work where one can really sift through the shit, but I can also use it to “think fast” in a conversation. This may be an argument, the kind where talking just to take up space is an allowed thing to do for some reason. It may be a riff on a suggestion in a spitballing session. It may be a joke that depends on very quick timing to work.
The problem with relying on this type of quick-fire type thinking, for me, is that it’s hard to turn on and off on a dime, especially before I was aware I was doing it. I found I would just… say a thought before I was even aware I’d thought it. Sometimes it would be funny, sometimes it would be weird, sometimes it would be gross or macabre, sometimes it wouldn’t make sense.
I think being able to catch these thoughts is a considerable net positive for me and my friends, so I practice. I may miss the occasional devastating retort, but I like being able to be deliberate about how I hold conversations with my friends. And my acquaintances. And my enemies. Being able to choose one’s words well is a valuable skill that not everyone has.
P.S.
If I had to express my filter in terms of a folksy idiom, it would be “think before you open your mouth”. I heard this a lot growing up and, while it did usually just mean “be quiet”, it’s also kind of how my brain catches those thoughts that would have slipped out. I feel the impulse to start talking before I really notice it happening, but if I can train myself to just not open my mouth right away, I get enough time for the rest of my brain to catch up and think about whether it’s really worth saying. Sometimes it is, a lot of the time I’m glad the catch worked.