My father literally taught me how to use the Internet when the best search engine was Ask fucking Jeeves.

The most important thing to remember, he said, was to never give your real name, address, or phone number on the internet. Once you do, it is there forever because anyone can copy it down.

And then Facebook happened, and tons of high school classmates were asking me when I would make an account. I told them all the same thing, that putting your real name, let alone your whole fucking face, on the internet was a bad idea. Eventually I had to make one to coordinate different club activities but I never liked the whole idea of Facebook. I couldn’t even watch The Social Network because it was everything I already knew.

We’re so, so, far down the hole from back then that looking back feels quaint.