The reality is that most of us are not perfect and someone highly suspicious can always hold us under a microscope and find flaws, which may be taken as evidence of malfeasance.
About 1% of the people I meet seem to immediately dislike me and interpret everything I do in some negative way. Most of the time I don’t even know about it because I’m not doing anything overt which they will confront me about. But they harbor a secret hatred until finally some mutual friend tells me about it. “That guy really hates your guts - I don’t know why.”
I’ve just accepted that this is a thing that happens. Something in their first impression strikes them wrong and every single thing to follow that is stained by it. There’s room for interpretation in all things.
I wouldn’t say I’m very good looking but I think I’ve been lucky with where I landed on the attractiveness spectrum. And this helps with most people’s impressions. But for some, it’s an immediate strike. You can say any little thing and because they perceive you as a “pretty boy” they will perceive you as arrogant / full of yourself, speaking with too much confidence and not even saying anything that brilliant. Others who don’t have this weird lens will just nod at what you say and this person will think “look how he’s fooled them all!”
It all depends on whether you’re looking at the person in a positive way, neutral way, or negative way. Go looking for things to hate and you will find them.
You probably have a ‘serious’ defauit look that a lot of people consider intense and read as angry. I had to practice seeming warmer and welcoming when meeting people for the first time by being aware of how I feel and trying to think of how friendly I would want someone to be and emulating that. Like getting practice at public speaking it seems to have worked out pretty well.
Looks do have an impact, but a lot less than the vibe one gives off. If you have internalized looks as being so important it can lead to giving off a resentful vibe.
The reality is that most of us are not perfect and someone highly suspicious can always hold us under a microscope and find flaws, which may be taken as evidence of malfeasance.
About 1% of the people I meet seem to immediately dislike me and interpret everything I do in some negative way. Most of the time I don’t even know about it because I’m not doing anything overt which they will confront me about. But they harbor a secret hatred until finally some mutual friend tells me about it. “That guy really hates your guts - I don’t know why.”
I’ve just accepted that this is a thing that happens. Something in their first impression strikes them wrong and every single thing to follow that is stained by it. There’s room for interpretation in all things.
I wouldn’t say I’m very good looking but I think I’ve been lucky with where I landed on the attractiveness spectrum. And this helps with most people’s impressions. But for some, it’s an immediate strike. You can say any little thing and because they perceive you as a “pretty boy” they will perceive you as arrogant / full of yourself, speaking with too much confidence and not even saying anything that brilliant. Others who don’t have this weird lens will just nod at what you say and this person will think “look how he’s fooled them all!”
It all depends on whether you’re looking at the person in a positive way, neutral way, or negative way. Go looking for things to hate and you will find them.
You probably have a ‘serious’ defauit look that a lot of people consider intense and read as angry. I had to practice seeming warmer and welcoming when meeting people for the first time by being aware of how I feel and trying to think of how friendly I would want someone to be and emulating that. Like getting practice at public speaking it seems to have worked out pretty well.
Looks do have an impact, but a lot less than the vibe one gives off. If you have internalized looks as being so important it can lead to giving off a resentful vibe.
This is definitely not wrong.