When I was getting settled on my dose the doctor told me to keep upping the dose until things got worse rather than better. And there was defintely a point (54mg xaggatin, a slow release concerta type) where it was too much, I didnt want to relax I just wanted to get shit done. I’m sure it could have been efficient but it didn’t feel like me, and felt kinda stressy. So I’ve been on the dose below that (36mg) for a couple of years.

The amazing novelty wears off, and i can go back to my old avoidance routines, especially if I’m tired or sick, or anxious about something. But when my mood is good, and I’m taking care of myself, I can be efficient and focus on stuff well, while before that wad almost impossible unless I had a last minute deadline to panic me into focus.

The way I think about it is the drugs don’t make it easy for me to focus, they just make it possible. So now I can do all those things people said before about breaking tasks down, and setting manageable goals and stuff to make tasks achievable. It’s not easy, but it isn’t easy for most people. It’s just no longer impossible. But it takes a lot relearning, trying out things that wouldn’t have worked before and it doesn’t always work. But it’s so much better than before.

Thanks! It’s defintely more stuff like long term stuff, helping me schedule stuff or make appointments, reminding me to stop avoiding opening my mail, etc. And there’s lots of stuff I help then with, their blindspots and weaknesses.

That’s what I think makes a good relationship - being with someone with complementary skills, who you trust, who wants the best for you, and who it’s a pleasure to help not just because you love them, but because what they find impossible is easy for you (and vice versa).

Totally understand the desire. I defintely do better when I’m in a situation where I can just deal with stuff in front of me, and someone else takes care of the long term stuff and keeps me accountable. Not sure about jobs, the army comes to mind but has some major downsides. But there’s other similar gigs like the merchant navy and offshore workers, where you’re living and working in a structured environment and then get a long breaks to chill out.

What worked for me was getting a partner who is organised and creates structure. Sometimes I think I miss my freedom and wish I was back being a bachelor… But then I have a few days in the house alone, getting nothing done as the mess builds up around me and not even playing games or anything fun, just failing to live… Then I remember why I traded my independence.

Revision and exams are a really difficult challenge for many ADHD people. I’ve done completed multiple degrees, and still don’t think I’ve mastered it. And other folks have said, everyone is different, so it’s more about finding out what works for your son than general advice… Apart from, perhaps, that “just try harder” is terrible advice for everyone. So I’m just going to speak about own experiences, but hopefully it can get you thinking about what might click with your son.

Getting started and sticking with it - Even if its something I enjoy, I can find it hard to get started and if it’s something I’m anxious about or don’t enjoy or have had a bad experience with, it can be almost impossible. **Suggestions **- Having someone help me start and stay with me (so I don’t just give up and do something else) is really helpful. Depending on the task it might enough for them to just sit by (maybe doing their own focused work, as a good model) or to be there for me to ask questions and bounce stuff off every time i get stuck. Its also important to learn what time of day works best for the individual, my brain works much better in the morning and if I try and work on something in the evening its 10x harder.

Focus and Engagement - Even if I’m really motivated, and supported, I can read the same page ten times and not take it in. For me, reading sequentially through something and trying to remember it, even if take notes, is not enough to engage my brain. Suggestions: Stupid stuff like starting partway through a book section so I find it a bit confusing, then flick back and forth trying to understand it makes it more engaging and stops my brain tuning out. Similarly, instead of trying to memorize a bunch of information, I respond well to questions/problem solving - if I’m trying to prove a point to someone, suddenly I’ll be great at skimming through textbooks to find the info I need. Learning about the different states of matter could be mind-numbing, but trying to explain to someone “why turning into either steam or ice could make a container of water explode” would get me thinking about a bunch of relevant topics.

Memorization and Notes - I spent a lot of school struggling to write notes, then never reading them. Since then I’ve found non-linear approaches much more effective: mind maps, brainstorming with post-its, even drawing pictures. Stuff like mind maps reward brains that jump from one idea to another, rather than being expected to work through an ordered list. Being asked to write down all the ideas that come to mind on “Why did the Civil War happen?” is more interesting than reading a chapter on someone else’s answers. Even if you don’t know anything about the subject, you can put down some vague ideas (“ugh, slavery? something about states rights?”) and then quickly look up stuff about it to flesh it out. When it works well, I suddenly realize, “shit, i’m meant to be studying and making a mindmap, not getting distracted and reading ‘the myth of the Lost Cause’… oh wait, this IS studying!”

tl;dr - what helps is unique, but helping your son get started, making studying interactive and conversational helps, and maybe try mind-maps and non-linear approaches. If he can find a way to become genuinely curious he will motivate himself!