You. And also the pet name that my late husband used for me, if I’m feeling especially pitiful or otherwise in need of encouragement.

My partner took our microwave (an obnoxious thing I bought at a charity shop for $15) apart and wrapped the dinger-thing in a thick rubber band to muffle it, then put it all back together. It sounds so much more polite now, and he didn’t have to cut any wires or otherwise fuss with the basic function.