Yes.

I was never a “kid person” growing up. I didn’t relate to children and didn’t have much experience with them, but I always saw having a family as the natural path in life. Just like dating leads to marriage, I saw kids as the next chapter after marriage. When I really think about why I wanted kids, it comes down to two main reasons.

First, the experience itself seemed undeniably compelling. I’m introverted and not naturally a risk-taker, but I’ve learned over time that it’s important to challenge yourself and embrace growth. The last thing I want is a life that feels stagnant or boring. Skipping out on something as profound as raising kids felt like missing out on a major part of life.

Second, my wife is incredible. The idea of taking on the adventure of parenting with her felt both exciting and deeply meaningful. It’s intimate, difficult, fun, scary, and rewarding — and I couldn’t imagine a better partner to share that with.

Now, fast-forward to the present: we have three teenagers, and we’ve genuinely loved raising them. I’m not looking forward to the quiet days after they head off to college — the energy and fullness of having kids around has been one of the best parts of our lives and I’ll miss it when they’ve gone on to start their own independent lives.

No, I don’t really enjoy life and never really have. I don’t want another person experiencing what I do.

Wait - is she his ex, or are you married to both of them? If you are all one family, I do understand, that sort of makes sense not to make 3 more and end up with a family of 9 people.

If she is his ex, what the actual fuck?

Why should his ex have a say?

It is abusive to bring children into the world as it is now.

Either we make a better place for them, or give them the peace of never having being born.

45m I knew from a very early age that i never wanted to be a father. I have always been very upfront about it with my partners and it has ended one relationship. She found out that she did grew, after two years of being in a relationship, to have a child wish. And I could have at that time become a dad, and im sure i would be great at it, but im very happy that never happened. I got my vasectomy soon after that, i was around 30. Just to make sure there were never any accidents.

For the question of why… I don’t know. I’ve tried to analyse it but i can’t give a deeper reason than feeling a deep aversion. I have a good relation with my parents, had a decent childhood and i love my nephews dearly. I like children and i don’t mind being around them. I don’t particularly care for anti child propaganda either.

My partner and i are living a child free life. She also has zero interest in having children of our own.

43 male, have 3 kids. They’re a ton of work but they’re also incredibly rewarding. The house is full of love and joy constantly. I can’t imagine life without them (and my wife) and I wouldn’t want to live in it if they were no longer here. That’s how much of an impact they have on you.

That’s said, totally respect you not wanting them. They’re one of the biggest sacrifices and commitments.

I grew up in a cult where the expectation was that I’d get married and have multiple children. Luckily my own parents somehow managed to raise me right in spite of the indoctrination, and when I went to college I realized both that I could choose and that I didn’t want kids.

After my partner and I had been together for 15 years or so, we started seriously rethinking being child free. It was something we decided to do together. My kid is now about to turn 9. I adore him and love spending time with him. I still don’t much like other children and I never considered going through pregnancy again. My partner and I have talked about potentially fostering or adopting if we manage to retire early, but I’m content either way.

No but mine is 23 and I feel it’s too late to tell her.

No. Not even close to financially stable as a college student in his mid-20s.

Also, if I did want kids, I think I’d rather adopt than bring a child into a world that is dying and end up not being able to ensure they have a future that doesn’t end in apocalypse.

My first kid is almost 3 and we have another on the way. It is so fucking draining and so fucking awesome. My wife and I joke about what the hell we did in our free time before our daughter. We both have careers and hobbies so it’s not like we were bored, but it is so much fucking fun having a kid. We would definitely kill for some more free time, but highly recommend it. Also, if you decide to have kids, it’s not very difficult, it’s just a lot of work.

As fucked up as his ex wife’s request may be, if you’re indifferent that’s reason enough not to.

I don’t want kids. I can’t even take good enough care of myself and basic household upkeep. Adding the stress and cost and limitations that come with having a kid are just non-starters. That and I just don’t feel any need or want in the first place.

That said, if I could actually have a real biological child with my same-sex husband and the question wasn’t purely hypothetical, I’d have to think about it some more.

Or maybe if the universe threw a homeless queer teen at us who had nowhere else to go, maybe I’d consider adopting, maybe. But adopting an actual child or infant is a real tough sell, even if I would ideologically prefer that to having an actual biologically hacked together two-dads kid

No, I don’t think I can be on-call 24/7 for years

The child-free voices are strong on social media and this comment section seems pretty one sided.

I’ll chime in to say I’m a man who wanted kids. I’ve got 2 now. One has additional needs and is a whole lot more work than even what people are trying to avoid with “normal” kids. The kids are super young and my job is super busy… Despite how crazy all this is: I’m loving it. If I went back in time, I’d tell my younger self that I wouldn’t change a thing and that awesome things await.

This is going to turn into a mini essay. I’ll preface it with saying the following truths are to be taken as presumed throughout: 1. You do you. You’re obviously allowed to make your own choices for your own reasons. 2. My reasoning and conclusions for myself do not apply to others. Just because I have chosen to take on a task, does not mean other are lazy for not doing it. My conclusions are personal and obviously I expect most to come to their own conclusions for their situation. 3. There is no objective truth and it is possible to take any path.

For me, I really don’t think life is about having lots of free time or to min/max responsibility vs pleasure. I see responsibility and difficulty to be inseparable from the joys of life. I don’t like hearing my parents talk about what I should do with my life, but I put work into maintaining a relationship with them because I want the joys and benefits of a good relationship with my parents. Equally, I want the joys and benefits of kids. The closest analogy I can think of is of getting a dog. No one online questions the joy thay looking after a dog brings, and it is easy to understand the huge responsibility being worthwhile. I find kids very worthwhile.

I accept that everyone doesn’t have resources and privilege, but (no matter who you are) there will never be a “good time” to have a child. Literal millionaires are complaining about not having enough. There is almost never a time in life when you feel you’ve got tons of extra time, money and sleep. There is no training to prepare for children. You can avoid time around a particular exam, job move or house move……but other than that, any time you have a child you will be equally unprepared.

There are 2 types of joy in life. There are things that are pleasurable at the time (being slumped on the sofa and binge watching Netflix) and pleasures that come in hindsight and achievement (running a marathon, that sucks at the time but gives ongoing joy because of the achievement). I’d say kids fall firmly into the second category. I didn’t go to university because it was easy, I put up with the difficulty because I wanted to have a degree. “We go to the Moon not because it is easy, but because it is hard”.

Objectively, it is remarkably difficult to have children now. Houses are difficult to afford and everything is expensive. Childcare is extortionate. Work is busy and unforgiving. There is no community to help with children anymore. Parenting is expected to be more intensive than it has ever been (when our parents were children, they used to leave the house for hours and play by themselves; now we’re deemed neglectful parents if we aren’t actively engaged with our children 24/7). The final point I would add is: no one else makes this decision for you….not Lemmy comments, not your parents or in-laws, certainly not a partner’s ex(?).

I’m probably the only person i know irl that wants to have kids. Every one of my colleagues is rather against it, and i totally understand them. Economic difficulties, environmental protection, …

Yet i do feel like having kids would be nice. I’d definitely love them. That’s all i need to know.