It sucks, but that’s the actual answer. You talk to the people that could be potential romantic partners. And you actually take an interest in them as a person and if they take an interest in you too, romance sometimes happens.
The hardest part is that if you are lonely and want a romantic partner, it can be hard to follow. Some people, myself included, are introverts that would prefer not to talk to lots of people. Sometimes the goal of obtaining a partner incorrectly becomes primary (either because you are lonesome, or because you think it’s the next step in your life, etc). It is very difficult to talk to someone and take a genuine interest in them and open up about yourself enough for them to take an interest in you when your focus is on obtaining a partner because people can sense that.
Talk to people, genuinely talk and listen and care about them (or realize you aren’t compatible). It sounds simple but it is really quite difficult. If you want to find people to talk to, engage in the world in things you like where potential romantic partners might also show up.
And if it feels weird, talk to more people, but more than talk listen to them. Not sure what to talk about? Ask them about themselves, people love to talk about themselves. Practice more and more talking to people, all kinds of people. Join groups that meet in person and talk to people. Get good at talking to people and the more you talk the more interesting experiences you have and the more interesting experiences you have the more interesting a partner you become and one day one of those people you are talking to is going to feel important and then you tell them that.
And it might work, it might not, they might not feel the same, you might have a couple awkward conversations that go no where. But we are social creatures, we want to talk and connect and be heard, we want to sit together and spend time together and eat together and share in one another.
My life changed for the better the day I realized I was the only one stopping me from experiencing this.
I was getting agoraphobia once, slowly crept into it by accident. It was so comfortable. I had to do a bit of exposure therapy mixed with breath work and meditation to dig myself out. Your path is likely different but that’s what did it for me.
There’s of course the everyday suggestions like exercise, diet, cutting out substances, getting out into nature. I was doing all of that but suffering from wild bouts of intense depression, gun in mouth type moments. It was like the harder I tried the harder it fought back to stay alive inside of me. I was really at the end of my rope, so tired of fighting, so afraid that no matter what it would never end. I even feared that death would not be a release (my favorite movie being wristcutters a Love story in which the punishment for suicide is you end up in a worse version of here).
What did it for me personally was a good mushroom trip and moving from where I was and what I was doing for work. Others have found success other ways and with far less intense choices. Sometimes something small can unravel that knot so to speak.
I swear I cried to the God I’m fairly sure doesn’t exist I ever thought about tossing away the gift of life I was given. I was practically kissing the ground in gratitude like a sailor who had been lost at sea.
A seperate-ish circumstance, the agoraphobia crept in during covid when I was staying alone in a new city. I didn’t even notice it, until I went outside for the first time in two weeks and the sites and sounds were screeching at me and everyone’s eyes felt like they were dissecting me as if I were alien and they were area51 scientists. Not fun, but an intriguing experience. Had to work for a while to beat that experience back everytime I went out.
Now even bad or unpleasant things that happen internally or externally I can find acceptance and gratitude in. I hope for your own personal resolution with this.
Maybe another thing that helped is I personify things. The depression always felt to me like a little Voldemort horcruxe living inside me fighting to stay alive and same to the agoraphobia. I never identified them as me but as these beings or entities affecting me. That may be helpful for you, it may not be.
Depends on the person I think but as a general suggestion, nah. I think the intention of that statement is to be comfortable in your own skin and have a reasonable level of self confidence.
It do be like that. It does beg the question of how one actually finds a romantic partner.
Talk to people.
It sucks, but that’s the actual answer. You talk to the people that could be potential romantic partners. And you actually take an interest in them as a person and if they take an interest in you too, romance sometimes happens.
The hardest part is that if you are lonely and want a romantic partner, it can be hard to follow. Some people, myself included, are introverts that would prefer not to talk to lots of people. Sometimes the goal of obtaining a partner incorrectly becomes primary (either because you are lonesome, or because you think it’s the next step in your life, etc). It is very difficult to talk to someone and take a genuine interest in them and open up about yourself enough for them to take an interest in you when your focus is on obtaining a partner because people can sense that.
Talk to people, genuinely talk and listen and care about them (or realize you aren’t compatible). It sounds simple but it is really quite difficult. If you want to find people to talk to, engage in the world in things you like where potential romantic partners might also show up.
And if it feels weird, talk to more people, but more than talk listen to them. Not sure what to talk about? Ask them about themselves, people love to talk about themselves. Practice more and more talking to people, all kinds of people. Join groups that meet in person and talk to people. Get good at talking to people and the more you talk the more interesting experiences you have and the more interesting experiences you have the more interesting a partner you become and one day one of those people you are talking to is going to feel important and then you tell them that.
And it might work, it might not, they might not feel the same, you might have a couple awkward conversations that go no where. But we are social creatures, we want to talk and connect and be heard, we want to sit together and spend time together and eat together and share in one another.
My life changed for the better the day I realized I was the only one stopping me from experiencing this.
just be yourself ^^
Depending on who you’re talking to that could be really good or really really bad advice.
I can’t find anyone else in my apartment, except my cat. I don’t like to leave my apartment because of panic attacks.
I was getting agoraphobia once, slowly crept into it by accident. It was so comfortable. I had to do a bit of exposure therapy mixed with breath work and meditation to dig myself out. Your path is likely different but that’s what did it for me.
Might have to do that. I have extreme depression, and agoraphobia to deal with.
There’s of course the everyday suggestions like exercise, diet, cutting out substances, getting out into nature. I was doing all of that but suffering from wild bouts of intense depression, gun in mouth type moments. It was like the harder I tried the harder it fought back to stay alive inside of me. I was really at the end of my rope, so tired of fighting, so afraid that no matter what it would never end. I even feared that death would not be a release (my favorite movie being wristcutters a Love story in which the punishment for suicide is you end up in a worse version of here).
What did it for me personally was a good mushroom trip and moving from where I was and what I was doing for work. Others have found success other ways and with far less intense choices. Sometimes something small can unravel that knot so to speak.
I swear I cried to the God I’m fairly sure doesn’t exist I ever thought about tossing away the gift of life I was given. I was practically kissing the ground in gratitude like a sailor who had been lost at sea.
A seperate-ish circumstance, the agoraphobia crept in during covid when I was staying alone in a new city. I didn’t even notice it, until I went outside for the first time in two weeks and the sites and sounds were screeching at me and everyone’s eyes felt like they were dissecting me as if I were alien and they were area51 scientists. Not fun, but an intriguing experience. Had to work for a while to beat that experience back everytime I went out.
Now even bad or unpleasant things that happen internally or externally I can find acceptance and gratitude in. I hope for your own personal resolution with this.
Maybe another thing that helped is I personify things. The depression always felt to me like a little Voldemort horcruxe living inside me fighting to stay alive and same to the agoraphobia. I never identified them as me but as these beings or entities affecting me. That may be helpful for you, it may not be.
…but not too much
That doesn’t work :(
Depends on the person I think but as a general suggestion, nah. I think the intention of that statement is to be comfortable in your own skin and have a reasonable level of self confidence.