CRIME Drone “narco sub” — equipped with Starlink antenna — seized for the first time in the Caribbean
Updated on: July 3, 2025 / 6:29 AM EDT / CBS/AFP
The Colombian navy on Wednesday announced its first seizure of an unmanned “narco sub” equipped with a Starlink antenna off its Caribbean coast.
The semisubmersible vessel was not carrying drugs, but the Colombian navy and Western security sources based in the region told AFP they believed it was a trial run by a cocaine trafficking cartel.
“It was being tested and was empty,” a naval spokeswoman confirmed to AFP.
Manned semi-submersibles built in clandestine jungle shipyards have been used for decades to ferry cocaine north from Colombia, the world’s biggest cocaine producer, to Central America or Mexico.
“Hi there! I’m José Perez. Between 2025 and 2032, I ran over two thousand tons of cocaine into the United States. And when I needed reliable, high speed Internet access to safeguard my very valuable cargo, I knew that I couldn’t settle for the second-best. I used Starlink™. Only Starlink™ gave me the peace of mind that my critical business operations would remain robust in the face of unexpected difficulties, be they hurricanes or US Coast Guard cutters. In today’s fast-paced, competitive business world, whether you need a reliable video stream to a conference room in one of your branch offices or to a night-vision piloting camera on a semi-submersible smuggling platform, you can count on Starlink™!”
Cyberpunk moment
Narration speed set: 2.5
“All guarantees are governed by the Starlink^TM Terms and Conditions available at starlink.org/terms. Starlink^TM reserves the right to change these terms at any time for any reason. Starlink^TM reserves the right to provide notice of changes. Starlink^TM reserves the right to change terms for individual customers based on Bullish Statistics. Starlink^TM reserves the right to sniff and decrypt 100% of your traffic to feed to our Starlink^TM Artificial Super Sexy Sniffing High Intensity TalkModel (ASS-SHIT). Viewing of this commercial in its entirety constitutes legal agreement to our Starlink^TM Terms and Conditions.”
I just had a vision of terms and conditions being updated seconds before service failure in the same way certain evs were caught disabling auto drive before crashing.
A RoboCop ad.
You need to design a dystopian near-future tabletop RPG of some kind.
Every time you try to use an augment, you have to roll for whether the company stopped supporting the product and bricked it.