idk what they’re telling people and despite my morbid curiosity I know I’m probably better off not knowing. The actual answer is just a million different versions of “you were dumb”,“you were annoying”,“you were weird and creepy” that all ultimately have their roots in things they did to me to begin with. None of the things they did to me were really bad enough to call the cops about but also somehow every single one of them was my fault and none of theirs even though I was the youngest and least able to defend myself.

Hadn’t drank in 2.5 years since cutting all of them off now my cousin messages asking why I wasn’t at the family reunion this summer (followed a week later by a photo of a page of a prayer book about forgiveness) and now I’ve been drunk two weekends in a row and my tolerance is already back to being able to take down a twelve pack again. My therapist keeps trying to talk me into a face to face talk when I was considering (at most) a letter but now I’m thinking maybe just blocking them. There’s nothing I can even think to say that isn’t purely spiteful.