If I don’t take meds I feel I should be doing things and then feel bad when I don’t.
Or if I do take meds I get a lot of things done and feel productive but zaped of energy.
Hobbies are either invested in and dropped or I just feel ‘bored’ and don’t want to get any of the stuff out to do them. If they stick around a bit longer they then feel like a chore or become a larger project and just another thing in the to-do pile and not relaxing.
Where is the off button and how do I relax?
It sounds counter intuitive but getting shit done is what allows me to relax. If I have a bunch of chores hanging over my head I’m not going to be able to. Even if is cut out a block of time for it. I have to have my shit done first. So the best way is to stay on top of all the laundry and dishes and cleaning so that it doesn’t pile up so much, and then there’s actually time where I’m “done” with everything and can chill for an afternoon or whatever. This also allows me to occasionally get bored enough to actually want to work on a hobby or project, although I do still struggle with that because most of those wear on me the same way my job does.