I hate that I do this, but there are friends/acquaintances in my life that I would mask around, and my mental health and general motivation has been very bad lately, meaning that when they reach out to me, I just don’t have the mental stamina – which I usually had – to open that message/take that call and reply to them. We were friends sort of out of inertia from the past, and I was kinda hoping we’d drift apart naturally, but they keep calling me even though I told them that my mental health is bad rn and I’d reach out later. I just want to be left to be depressed in peace rn plus seeing them again I’d have to address my compounding guilt of ghosting them, and that’s something I’d have to mentally barge though. But it’s not their fault that I’m tired ‘of them’, so it’s a tricky situation and I feel like a terrible person for it ending the way it does.
pro-tip, make friends that are okay with you not masking. You’re filled with anxiety about their feelings on the matter. You’re a good person, but you’re not doing yourself or them any favors. Just be honest with yourself and with others. Life goes much easier if you turn down the masking and let that act as your social filter, naturally.
Next time they ask, be honest and set some boundaries. “I don’t really feel like it because every time we hang out, I have to pretend to be someone I am not and this sucks for my mental health. I feel guilty ghosting you when you ask. I don’t want to be an asshole, but I would appreciate if you would respect my wishes and wait for my reach out.” This gives you an out if you change your mind later. This acquaintance might not really know you well enough to infer your intent from your behavior. They may even be concerned for your well being given you mention depression. This blast of honesty should either let you drop the masking and gain a new friend, or deter further contact.
Obviously it depends on the friendship, but I wouldn’t say this unless you’ve done some evaluation of the phrase “have to”. I think it’s pretty easy to get so used to doing it that you overlook when it might not be necessary, and that could read a bit hurtful to people who really care. Just omit that phrase and it sounds more blame-agnostic. Maybe it’s more fair or maybe not, but I know which side I’d rather err on.