I LOVE these. Funnier the longer I think about them. Almost serious or useful then just completely out of left field.
“It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I’m wearing Milk-Bone underwear.”
“People who live in glass houses can count their chickens in the rain.”
“We’ll cross that water when it’s under the bridge.”
Speaking of bridges, I like “cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it!”
Why does this screenshot look like a highschool teacher photocopied it from a book?
All the good ones are like that
You opened this can of worms, now lie in it
I resent, and resemble, this
My favorite is 'not the sharpest hammer in the kitchen.
Works double because then they’re a meat mallet
One I accidentally said a while back and now use for anything that’s both unhinged and comes out of nowhere: Out of left pocket
You can beat a dead horse but you can’t make it drink.
Oh yeah! How could I forget:
“Get two birds stoned at once”“This is a tough nut to swallow”
“It’s not the end of the day”
For the first one, my ex used to say that to me all the time.
You need to eat more pineapple
I laughed. Thank you! “You’ve opened this can of worms, now lie in it” is my fav.
I’m fond of “not the brightest cookie in the knife drawer”
You’re shutting the bag after the cat’s bolted
That’s a whole different kettle of wax
Does a bear shit in the pope’s hat?
Does pope shit in the woods?
Is a bear catholic?
Is the pope a bear?
Please tell me that wasn’t the potty tentacle…
