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Needs a gun or it’s not libertarian.
ahem companycoin.
The libertarian party is useful. There are certain governmental levers that must be dismantled before we implement robust social safety nets, and the libertarians can be used to help us restructure things. They are ready and willing to remove government programs.
They are ready and willing to remove government programs.
In the same way a horse and some string can help you remove a tooth.
Which is to say, in the most reckless and destructive way possible.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Oh youre serious? Let me laugh harder.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
But seriously the libertarian party in the US is a bunch of republicans who want to get rid of drivers licenses and remove the age of consent. They’re an extremely unserious political organization with no real interest any kind of good governance. They are little more than children throwing temper tantrums when they have do do something slightly inconvenient that helps other people.
We’ve already seen what libertarian governance looks like when a bunch of libertarians moved to Grafton New Hampshire, effectively dismantled the local government in accordance with “libertarian values” and were subsequently overrun with wild bears because nobody was cleaning up their trash and locking it up to keep bears out.
nobody was cleaning up their trash and locking it up to keep bears out.
There was a woman who ran a donut shop and would leave all the leftovers out for the bears. The town couldn’t do anything to infringe on her freedom to feed wild bears in town.
When push comes to shove, they also prefer to side with fascists.
My favorite example is out in Arizona (forgive me I can’t remember the name of the town). They moved there because the land was cheap but wanted to contribute NOTHING to the local township while still being a burden on their resources. Then got BIG MAD when the town had a water shortage and decided to prioritize their residents so they cut off water to the libertarians forcing them to have to ship in water from elsewhere if they wanted to keep living there and suddenly that “cheap land” became very expensive to maintain.
The lowest hanging fruit would be the libertarian cop from that one copypasta.
(Source: newyorker.com, thx @StillAlive@piefed.world)
Libertarian police
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”
“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”
“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”
It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me.
First time I’ve seen this. Amazing. Shooting the mailbox again on purpose cracked me up.
I’ve seen it a dozen times and I still read the whole thing every time, I long for the day I have an excuse to say “Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze” to someone
This is the source: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/l-p-d-libertarian-police-department
didn’t know that, thank you very much! I updated my comment ಠᴗಠ
A “real” libertarian (you know, the mythical true Scotsman) pointed out that they actually chose the worst occupation. A bunch of libertarians believe that the state should have cops to protect private property and nothing else.
I think they have a point, but the fact that that’s what they take issue with is endlessly hilarious.
Chud costume holding a “let’s debate age of consent” sign
As a former Libertarian, yeah.
A Pinkerton.
Before going home to his billionaire for his second job.
