For years I kept dating and being in relationships and putting a lot of effort into it. Also socializing and making friends too.
I gave up about 5 years ago and I’m much much happier with my life. It’s amazing how much better I feel on a daily basis when my energy and efforts aren’t going into a black hole from which no joy comes out. I also rapidly achieved a lot of life goals after 10+ years of achieving almost none of them.
Being mostly totally alone is completely awesome and I’m annoyed that other people convinced me it was terrible and awful.
I’m actually moving in the opposite direction. I was (still am really) a massive introvert, then I got really, really, really sick and realized I have zero support if something happens where I can’t take care of myself. I realized at the end of the day humans are a social species and we need some level of human connection to thrive.
I’m somewhere in the middle. Big introvert (actually I’m autistic) and I really isolated after a bad friendship broke down years ago, not the first time. I just didn’t want to put myself back out there and keep getting hurt. I was also sick of the thing people say like “let’s hang out sometime” and then nothing ever happens. It’s just a polite saying apparently? So I stopped taking those statements as any interest in a friendship.
Relatively recently, a coworker said the whole we should hang out thing and I was sigh this again. We got along so well at work but I didn’t trust that let’s hang out sometime crap. Until one day she actually pulled her diary out and was like when are you free. Anyway now we’re actually friends and hang out quite a bit!
It’s the kind of person you let in I think. I was taken advantage of so many times and in toxic friendships I assumed that’s just what friendships were. They don’t have to be. You just have to know when to let those relationships go and how to recognize the friendships that are actually fulfilling!
Speak for yourself. When I’ve been sick my gf/family told me to go f myself and what an asshole I am for getting sick. Literally nobody is ever going to take care of me, and never has. When my dad was dying, my 5 year old girlfriend didn’t help, she broke up with me for ‘being a loser who is sad about his stupid dad’. Oh and then called me up asking me for money after we broke up. Most of my gfs/friends actively tried to sabotage the progress in my life and would argue against me doing the things that improved my life. Working out, not drinking, eating right, saving, investing, were all labeled ‘gay, stupid, weird, queer’.
At the end of my days, people add very little to my life, and having them in my life results in a net negative. Which is precisely why excluding them in my life has lead to massive gains in my health, happiness, and wealth. I can work out, eat right, and pursue my passions and grow my career skills without repeatedly being told how awful and shitty doing those things are, and what I should be doing with my life is sitting on my ass drinking booze, eating fast food, and watching shitty sitcoms every night.
You can lecture me all you want, but I’ve never had anyone in my life really add anything of value or given me any genuine support and the second I ask for help they tell me what a piece of shit I am and then start asking me for help. Anytime I called anyone up to try and share good news, like getting a $35,000 raise, buying a home, or adopting my pets, I was told how shitty I was and then asked for money by so called ‘friend’ or family member or other person who supposedly ‘cares’ about me and lecturing me what an asshole I am because they ‘deserve’ my money more than I do and I shouldn’t be able to have a home, or pets, or a car, or a great job.
Which is to say, without all that horrid negatively dragging me down from my supposed ‘support structure’ I am finally able to be happy and enjoy my life without being shamed, harassed, or threatened. I’m also allowed to be proud of my achievements in life, rather than being repeatedly told how horrible and undeserving I am for having achieved them.
I’m glad that you were able to achieve so much for yourself by focusing on yourself, many people never get to learn that lesson. Never forget that.
When you heal everything your formers have done to you, then you get to learn to find people that don’t want to drag you down. It’s hard; when we grow damaged and broken, we become a lighthouse for people looking for someone to take advantage. However, it’s possible to change the lightbulb, we just have to heal first.
I know I’m healed because instead of listening to people lecture me how damaged I am, I ignore them. Because that is what everyone in my life used to do, lecture me how damaged I am for not being like them and how ‘concerned’ they are for me. It’s manipulation to setup a power dynamic where they are ‘normal’ and you are ‘faulty’ so later on they can convince you to do what they want.
Just like the lady last winter I tried to date who lectured me I am mentally ill and need therapy if I am happy driving a basic car, because a ‘well-adjusted person has ambition and self respect and would want to drive a $100,000 car.’ She drove a $70K car. She genuinely thought I was mentally ill. I genuinely thought she was a stupid idiot and I lost all respect/desire for her when she voiced her ‘concern’ for me.
I’d love to meet someone someday who thinks it’s OK to be happy with driving a basic car, but I have literally never met such a person in my life. They might exist out there somewhere but I have never met them. Most folks I meet, sadly, just want to lecture me on how I need to have a more expensive one or how ‘disappointed’ they in me for driving such a ‘cheap car’ and how I have ‘no self respect’ if I do so. They also tell me how I have ‘no self respect’ because I don’t own $5,000 suit and shit like that.
No offense but where the fuck are you finding such horrible people? I’d probably feel the same way in your shoes but the people you are describing sound cartoonishly evil and self absorbed. Like I don’t know that I’ve ever met even a couple people like who are you describing.
For years I kept dating and being in relationships and putting a lot of effort into it. Also socializing and making friends too.
I gave up about 5 years ago and I’m much much happier with my life. It’s amazing how much better I feel on a daily basis when my energy and efforts aren’t going into a black hole from which no joy comes out. I also rapidly achieved a lot of life goals after 10+ years of achieving almost none of them.
Being mostly totally alone is completely awesome and I’m annoyed that other people convinced me it was terrible and awful.
I’m actually moving in the opposite direction. I was (still am really) a massive introvert, then I got really, really, really sick and realized I have zero support if something happens where I can’t take care of myself. I realized at the end of the day humans are a social species and we need some level of human connection to thrive.
I’m somewhere in the middle. Big introvert (actually I’m autistic) and I really isolated after a bad friendship broke down years ago, not the first time. I just didn’t want to put myself back out there and keep getting hurt. I was also sick of the thing people say like “let’s hang out sometime” and then nothing ever happens. It’s just a polite saying apparently? So I stopped taking those statements as any interest in a friendship.
Relatively recently, a coworker said the whole we should hang out thing and I was sigh this again. We got along so well at work but I didn’t trust that let’s hang out sometime crap. Until one day she actually pulled her diary out and was like when are you free. Anyway now we’re actually friends and hang out quite a bit!
It’s the kind of person you let in I think. I was taken advantage of so many times and in toxic friendships I assumed that’s just what friendships were. They don’t have to be. You just have to know when to let those relationships go and how to recognize the friendships that are actually fulfilling!
Speak for yourself. When I’ve been sick my gf/family told me to go f myself and what an asshole I am for getting sick. Literally nobody is ever going to take care of me, and never has. When my dad was dying, my 5 year old girlfriend didn’t help, she broke up with me for ‘being a loser who is sad about his stupid dad’. Oh and then called me up asking me for money after we broke up. Most of my gfs/friends actively tried to sabotage the progress in my life and would argue against me doing the things that improved my life. Working out, not drinking, eating right, saving, investing, were all labeled ‘gay, stupid, weird, queer’.
At the end of my days, people add very little to my life, and having them in my life results in a net negative. Which is precisely why excluding them in my life has lead to massive gains in my health, happiness, and wealth. I can work out, eat right, and pursue my passions and grow my career skills without repeatedly being told how awful and shitty doing those things are, and what I should be doing with my life is sitting on my ass drinking booze, eating fast food, and watching shitty sitcoms every night.
You can lecture me all you want, but I’ve never had anyone in my life really add anything of value or given me any genuine support and the second I ask for help they tell me what a piece of shit I am and then start asking me for help. Anytime I called anyone up to try and share good news, like getting a $35,000 raise, buying a home, or adopting my pets, I was told how shitty I was and then asked for money by so called ‘friend’ or family member or other person who supposedly ‘cares’ about me and lecturing me what an asshole I am because they ‘deserve’ my money more than I do and I shouldn’t be able to have a home, or pets, or a car, or a great job.
Which is to say, without all that horrid negatively dragging me down from my supposed ‘support structure’ I am finally able to be happy and enjoy my life without being shamed, harassed, or threatened. I’m also allowed to be proud of my achievements in life, rather than being repeatedly told how horrible and undeserving I am for having achieved them.
Ummm…phrasing might need a little work there.
Umm, yeah, aren’t they?
Phrasing my bro, phrasing.
Those are some shitty friends and family.
I’m glad that you were able to achieve so much for yourself by focusing on yourself, many people never get to learn that lesson. Never forget that.
When you heal everything your formers have done to you, then you get to learn to find people that don’t want to drag you down. It’s hard; when we grow damaged and broken, we become a lighthouse for people looking for someone to take advantage. However, it’s possible to change the lightbulb, we just have to heal first.
No. I don’t need to heal. I’m healed.
I know I’m healed because instead of listening to people lecture me how damaged I am, I ignore them. Because that is what everyone in my life used to do, lecture me how damaged I am for not being like them and how ‘concerned’ they are for me. It’s manipulation to setup a power dynamic where they are ‘normal’ and you are ‘faulty’ so later on they can convince you to do what they want.
Just like the lady last winter I tried to date who lectured me I am mentally ill and need therapy if I am happy driving a basic car, because a ‘well-adjusted person has ambition and self respect and would want to drive a $100,000 car.’ She drove a $70K car. She genuinely thought I was mentally ill. I genuinely thought she was a stupid idiot and I lost all respect/desire for her when she voiced her ‘concern’ for me.
I’d love to meet someone someday who thinks it’s OK to be happy with driving a basic car, but I have literally never met such a person in my life. They might exist out there somewhere but I have never met them. Most folks I meet, sadly, just want to lecture me on how I need to have a more expensive one or how ‘disappointed’ they in me for driving such a ‘cheap car’ and how I have ‘no self respect’ if I do so. They also tell me how I have ‘no self respect’ because I don’t own $5,000 suit and shit like that.
Weird how that works.
No offense but where the fuck are you finding such horrible people? I’d probably feel the same way in your shoes but the people you are describing sound cartoonishly evil and self absorbed. Like I don’t know that I’ve ever met even a couple people like who are you describing.
Sorry Askew, I misunderstood you. I’m glad to hear you’re healed.
The people in your story sound really superficial. I hope someday you find people that value and see things like you do. :-)
This is the most unhinged and egocentric take I’ve seen on here in quite a while, congrats.
“If you meet an asshole on the way to work in the morning, you met an asshole. If everyone you meet all day is an asshole…”