I (24F) met a guy (37M) at a party half a year ago. He’s Japanese and I am an Indian living in Japan. We talked and exchanged socials but that was about it. After that we met in several other occasions, organized by mutual friends and a lot of times he invited me to various events too. I never really thought much about it because the age gap between us is insanely high.
A week ago he asked me if I am free and would like to go to a cafe with him. He didn’t say it was a date but i kinda think it was. This was our first opportunity to actually get to know more about each other’s personal life. I asked him about his job, he told me that he handles his parent’s real estate company and is quite rich. But he feels like his job is not very rewarding so he wants to go to abroad. I asked him if he is planning to get married so he said he feels it is still to early for him to get married. Then he asked me why i am not dating anybody yet. I told him i was too busy to date anyone but now that i have found a job, I will move to a new city and look for a suitable partner there. I am also planning to have a lot of children so I don’t want to delay it a lot. He said he also wants to have many children, but he didn’t seem bothered at all with his age being much higher than mine. Anyways, i think i made it pretty clear that i am only planning to look for a boyfriend in the city i am moving to, while he said he’s planning to stay closer to his family in this city and go abroad temporarily.
He still paid for everything that we ate and asked me out on a date again.
My question is, if he knows that I am leaving this city in two months and not planning to date anyone here, then is it safe to assume he asked me out again because he wants to sleep with me? I do not want to sleep with him, i am definitely physically attracted to him because he’s very handsome but i am a virgin and i want my first time to be with a long term partner atleast.
Is there any comfortable way to bring up this topic without making me sound like a narcissist who assumed a guy wants to sleep with her just because he asked her out🥲.
Please help me out
At what point can you possibly have come up with “He just wants to sleep with me”? You two went to a café, shared your current life situations and plans for the future, and left amicably. Unless youre leaving a LOT out about what he said, that is a baseless assumption.
He’s paying for every date even when I offer to split. I even mentioned I am not looking for dating in my current city because I am moving, but he still asked me out on another and also asked about the places I would like to go, he would take me.
If he’s not looking for a romantic partner, which I mentioned in the post he’s not. Why would he bother doing all this? Just for a friend?
Maybe he just doesn’t want you to worry about where you go/what you order/how often you can meet him for financial reasons. I mean it’s possible that he wouldn’t say no if it came to it. Nothing wrong with that per se. But from what you said I don’t think it’s all he cares about.
I hope what you’re saying is true
I mean it’s not like you’re leading him on and you clearly said you’re not looking to date. Just go with the flow - I’m sure it’ll be fine no matter what ☺️
Thank you
In college I had a guy friend (I’m a guy, both of us straight) who I’d regularly go to breakfast with, and he always paid because I was very poor, he made plenty, and he wanted company for breakfast. I regularly tried to pay and he waved me off. I think he knew that if we went back and forth, we’d go to breakfast a lot less because I wouldn’t be able to afford it.
Maybe that’s what’s going on here.
You’re the only one who can find out. Also, sex is not a bad thing, it’s enjoyable, especially if you’re attracted to him. You don’t have to marry him, but enjoy yourself also.
I want to lose my virginity to a long term partner. I maybe attracted to him but i am not going to lose it in a one night stand
I didn’t see you were a virgin. That does change things.
He said he’s pretty well off. If he’s in a different financial situation than you he may be cognizant of that. Also, not that I need to tell you if you live there, but customs in Japan are all kinds of weird. That could be related too.
Yes, he is her senior by quite a bit. He would be compelled to pay under these circumstances.
I’m American and we dont have such strict cultural roles, but at 37, I would have absolutely treated my much younger friends or coworkers in any 1 on 1 situation that I initiated.
I understand
Seems possible.
But the answer might be highly culturally dependent, and also contingent on a tonne of extra context, so you’re probably not going to get a reliable answer from the internet.
You could try asking him his intentions directly. Or telling him that you’re not interested.