I try to be kind, upbeat, etc in my interactions with other people, especially at work. I want to treat others well, work together peacefully, and leave the project happy. I’ve noticed that some people (particularly more curmudgeonly folks) seem to read that attitude as naïveté, and feel like they can walk all over me or treat me like I don’t know what I’m talking about. Why is that?
There are different kinds of kindness. The people-pleasing kind may come across as being naive and triggers some people. Another kind of kindness is to actually care and be curious about others and that usually comes across better.
I’m a fan of the line from Ted Lasso: be curious, not judgmental. I try approach things from the perspective of “how can we solve this problem”, since I don’t see any good in finger pointing. You can’t change the past.
I’ll admit, I am a people pleaser at times, but it’s something I’ve worked on - identifying the line when I start to be too much of a pushover.
That’s a good quote.
Also props for recognizing your own people-pleasing tendencies. And I’m glad to hear you’ve worked on it. It takes time to understand what causes us to be like that. It might be out of fear of rejection or some other unwanted outcome. And it could be based on some irrational assumptions or beliefs.
To be able to accept any outcome in any situation is very difficult, but a strong foundation for confidence and inner peace.