The more I hear people talk about it who aren’t cis-het men, the more I hear criticism about the concept. But so far, I’ve only heard people say that it’s stupid, that it’s not a thing, that it’s men’s own fault etc. But I’ve yet to understand where that criticism comes from. I don’t want to start a discussion on whether or not it’s real or not. I just want to understand where the critics are coming from.
Lol yeah, she recently got divorced and her husband was accusing her of cheating/sleeping with every man in the group, my husband included. I laughed when she told me, he’s the one who got a girlfriend within two weeks of the separation, she’s still single and focused on her children/work, even a year later.
It is rare, but I could tell she was just a friend. She’s just the only one who survived the friend group 20 years. It did cause a riff once in the beginning, I pretty rudely asked him why he didn’t have male friends in a fight. He was upset, and just shouted how everyone he was friends with back then went down shitty roads: drugs, suicide, prison, or women beaters, the few ladies he still knew from the group were the only ones who didnt fall into chaos. He really painted the picture for me so I could understand his pov. I’ve never worried since, and I’m better friends with them now anyway, he really has reclused himself, but he keeps in touch with his family and has their support.
He is happy as he could be given you know, life’s continued beatings. The only reason he didn’t fall to chaos himself, which he nearly did, he says, is because he’s always had his father’s support. He says I gave him reason to get sober, but his father absolutely saved his life multiple times over the years by being there for him.
I dated someone who was friends with thier now married ex. I tolerated it, and I trusted her, but I didnt trust him. I wanted to leave him, but he wouldn’t let me, and none of my efforts worked. Finally, after some time I managed to find support so I could leave him. He broke down, it was a whole thing, but he said to me one fight, I can’t love you because I’m still in love with her. Then.why.wouldnt.he.let.me.leave. ugh. I used to get lectures from him on love and loyalty, and he dropped that bit, I laughed in his face when he said it.
I will say its much easier to become an introvert when you are living with someone you trust and love. Outside validation becomes moot. Finding someone like that, is a very lucky thing, And often a treacherous road, for everyone, sex/gender non comforming alike, there isn’t discrimination in the pains of finding a person right for oneself.