He’s 48, the girl is 17. Yes, their relationship is legal here; legality is not the point, but morality and ethics - I don’t think it’s okay. They’ve been dating for a few months now. I only found out about it recently when he started bringing her home to spend the night (I’m 19 and live with him). Dad’s been widowed since 2023. Her parents know and support this relationship - heard it straight from their mouth when they came to visit. My family believes the girl is a gold digger so she’s the one in the wrong. My dad and I are very close, he’s always been an amazing dad, supports me in every way a person can be supported… I’m queer and being queer in Romania isn’t well received to say the least, but he’s always had my back and I feel safe because of him. Now for him to go and do something like this… I talked to both him and the girl, he says it’s just something that happened (he didn’t go looking for it); she says she loves being spoilt and how “chill” my dad is (she characterized the relationship as a cold day in bed under the warm covers). I don’t really know what I’m looking to hear honestly, but I want to talk about it.
I do get the discomfort but what are you “moral” objections? Is it that she too immature to make a decision? Or is it that you think your dad is taking advantage of her?
It’s worth working through why this is a moral issue for you, you’re a bit vague about it. In Europe the age of consent is variable but 16 is common, and it can be a bit jarring when you see the reactions of Americans to anyone under 18.
But in Europe adulthood has generally begun at 16, including being able to leave school and work in many places. The voting age is even being extended down to 16 from 18 in some places. So it’s not as clear cut that someone at 16 is not able to make independent decisions as American users sometimes make it seem.
Having said that, I personally don’t like the idea but more pragmatically for the age difference and the maturity difference. She can consent but there is a very significant change in maturity from 17 to 25, and I’m not sure how viable a relationship someone who is 48 can have with someone who is 17.
I think they are both adults and of the age of consent. You can express your concerns to your dad but ultimately it is both of their decisions and you should stay out of it beyond that (unless there are other issues that arise). I wouldn’t go too far judging him beyond that - he will be your dad for the rest of your life. If you had a best friend who was 17 and in a relationship with a 48 year old, you might express your opinion but would you interfere beyond that? Probably not - this should probably be the same.
Many Americans would be surprised to learn that it varies by state in the USA as well, and the relationship described in the OP wouldn’t be a crime in many states.
I don’t think 18 would be any less creepy in this scenario. Creepy doesn’t always mean immoral, but it’s usually exploitative for a 48 year old man to date a teenager, and it’s reasonable that OP is concerned about it.
Honestly when you put it like that I think my moral objections are shaped by what I read online. Like I asked this on Reddit too and people told me to go no contact with my dad cause he’s a pedophile (I don’t want to go no contact with him cause I love him). I can’t really state a personal “why” reason for moral objections. I know my dad is a good man and wouldn’t hurt anyone intentionally.
Unfortunately, that’s what usually happens. Asking the “why” is the most fundamental thing here; it is what shapes who you are, and questions those moral views you have gained or has been projected on you.
The most important thing is, that you know the situation best. So basing your morals off of incorrect wording such as in reddit, will further drag you down.
Sometimes good people do not-so good things. As to the reason, no idea. You know him better than we do. This sounds like a really uncomfortable situation and I don’t know that there is much you can do aside from telling him you don’t support the relationship. Whatever happens, it’ll be okay. It sucks now but things get better in time. I doubt the relationship will last anyway.