I’m so tired of it all that I am having trouble even caring anymore, and I’m simply disheartened by every corner of the globe and with every type of people. If the few states like China who have the capacity to challenge it are so self-centered and worried about their own lineage that they allow vast populations of people to become either subjugated or eradicated without even attempting to step in, then I have no hope that our species will survive when analyzing the rest of it. It’s clear that nobody with means is really willing to do anything serious about it and at this point I feel like we’re all just watching the final consumption of the world by capitalism and people really don’t care.

Frankly I don’t think any of us will make it. Only the people the furthest under the boot really have the will, yet since they have zero means, nothing can change. People don’t really care about defeating capitalism or white supremacy, and most refuse to overlook cultural differences to collectivize strongly enough to make an impact. Further, the environment will wipe us out long before capitalism is dismantled anyway, so for all intents and purposes, it seems like it’s already over. The curse of short human lifespans means that most don’t care since they feel the inevitability of it all given the time they have, and by the time the average person even becomes conscious enough of their condition to feel the hunger for change, their biological limitations make it feel pointless. Since most see this life as the only chance they have, why throw it away on making ripples into an ocean? May as well let someone else do that and enjoy what tiny corner you’ve carved while you can, and let it burn.

This is the most difficult realization / feeling I’ve ever had, far more than any structural or systemic elucidation in my political and ideological growth. Maybe it’s just that I’m a pessimist and feel miserable today and about what’s happening to Venezuela and Cuba and Palestine and Congo and Sudan and etc. etc. But I can’t shake the feeling that this is all pointless and going nowhere. Trying to stay positive seems sisyphean. The human condition and psychological barriers seem too strong and too embedded, and I fear that no awakening is enough to really push us over the edge of real change or challenge. And the environmental catastrophe is inevitable, since capitalism spurs it.

I just can’t see a way forward and I don’t know what that makes me anymore. Maybe nothing.