(Okay I know I ask questions about family-topics a lot, so please forgive me if these get too annoying lol)
I remember when I was 8-12, I’d cuddle with mom a lot… I acted so childish…
I don’t remember my older brother ever cuddling with my mom… (for context: I’m also male, so it’s not a gender stereotype thing) My brother is 5 years older… but I don’t remember him ever being as clingy as I did when during at the same age.
I did this thing where I slept with my parents in their bed… yes I know very childish
I just feel really clingy and desired that parental protection a lot.
So like… even sometimes like when I was 13 or so, I sometimes still did that thing where I just went to my parents room and sleep in their bed… less often… but it’s often enough its in my memories. Like its a vibe thing. Somtimes I feel like yeah I wanna be left alone pls, then sometimes I feel like mama/baba I don’t wanna be left alone
And like I remember doing that during my middle school years…
I think in highschool, it became much much rarer. Only like once every few months or so
Don’t actually remember too much, memory is kinda blurry
Okay sorry if y’all cringe at me, but this is why I don’t feel very masculine for a male lol.
I feel like I’ve never really mentally grown up. Still don’t feel grown up.
And then my parents are shocked that I’m not ready to do adult stuff lol
Oh yea no drivers license :/ (working on it)
Sometimes I watch videos of adults with developmental disabilities and I’m like… damn why do I feel 50% like that sometimes?
I can kinda relate to stories of young adults with Autism Spectrums Disorders… well I don’t have a diagnosis and I probably do not have it, but I can relate to feeling similarly…
Like going to a store my byself is…
oh my god I just realized
I don’t even do that too often…
So… I get anxiety being in a store by myself…
I remember frequently when I was 15-20, if my parent were out of my sight for too long… I’d be in a smei-panic like… have they abandoned me? especially scary since I had no financial means to support myself… still sometimes feel this way…
Jeez why do I sound like I have a developmental disability or something… wait a minute… do I? 🤔
Sounds like you get a lot of help to do lots of things instead of being taught how to do it yourself. Naturally, you’re going to feel like “I get things done for me, that must mean I’m inadequate to do them by myself”, and this feeling causes you to be able to do less, feeling more inadequate, thus increasing the things done for you, thus making you feel more inadequate…
Basically it sounds to me like you’re perfectly able to do it “by yourself” if you actually had to. It’s “just” the fear holding you back.
That was kind of a semi related thing. About the orientation towards your parents: if your parents are loving, and you’re autistic in some sense, then it is very likely you have little, if any, friends and definitely don’t feel loved by anyone else. Rather you feel “different”, not fitting in, like people don’t want to build deep relationships with you. Where else are you going to get that feeling from then, apart from your parents? Of course you’re going to gravitate towards them.
Older siblings usually mature faster because they are typically pushed to be responsible for younger siblings in some form.