CW: suicidal ideation
Firstly, an apology. I’ve posted here a couple of times during low moments and then never followed up. Received a lot of helpful and sympathetic comments each time and it’s kinda shitty I’ve never even updated my original posts about things being better (because they are).
Onto the meat. Between a couple of long-term relationships and long periods of not really looking for a partner, I hadn’t realised I’d managed to get to my late 20s without ever having to ‘date’. Both my serious relationships were friends that progressed onto the next level.
Emotionally, this stuff is devastating. Matching with someone who seems interesting and attractive, and they cannot/will not genuinely engage in conversation. Having an amazing conversation with someone in an evening, and then nothing ever again.
Worst are all the feelings associated with RSD when you’re not sure there’s even a problem. But you are certain there’s an issue. How’d you explain that to anyone? How’d you explain that to them?
Idk why I’m posting this rant. I’m sorry for disturbing you all. I don’t even want someone to tell me I’m wrong or right or anything else. Selfishly, all I want is for someone to tell me:
‘Yeah, no, you’re right there’s something wrong with you in particular. You really will never be happy and you’re right, you shouldn’t be here. No, you’re absolutely right, there’s an unplacable ugliness to you that you can’t fix and everyone will always notice.’
I don’t know what I’d do if someone confirmed all my worst fears but I think it’d make me feel better? Like things made sense? Like I was correct about something for once.
Sorry again.
You’re doing it(dating) “wrong”. If you’re talking about online dating that is. The whole point is that you exchange a few messages then go on an actual date. Nobody does online dating to find a penpal.
I mean, meh. I never would’ve gotten together with people if I hadn’t just followed whatever they were comfortable with. I wrote for like 3 weeks about the deepest shit before I met up with someone, still together with that person. With others, I do exchange 3 messages and then meet up.
It’s more about genuinely being interested in the other person, getting them out of their “shell”, i.e. talking about what they truly want, by being truly open yourself. So in a sense what you say is true though, if you wanna meet, you should tell them you wanna meet.
I’ve also been successful re-establishing “ghosted” connections just by saying what I feel like “huh I thought we had a good connection here, apparently I misjudged that, anyway, hope you have a good one :)”
Of course there’ll be many where you’re just too different to build a connection, too incompatible, or just too much unrelated shit getting in the way. But there’s just no single script to follow. Except just saying what you want/feel, and truly listening.
I totally agree. I think setting proper expectations and having the right attitude when it comes to online or just modern dating in general is really important. If you think every person might “be the one” or you overthink every situation, your going to have a really bad time.
Just be genuine, honest, and try to have fun, dating is supposed to be fun.