To this day, she remembers the racing thoughts, the instant nausea, the hairs prickling up on her legs, the sweaty palms. She had shared a photograph of herself in her underwear with a boy she trusted and, very soon, it had been sent around the school and across her small home town, Aberystwyth, Wales. She became a local celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Younger kids would approach her laughing and ask for a hug. Members of the men’s football team saw it – and one showed someone who knew Davies’s nan, so that’s how her family found out.

Her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck, takes a deep dive into the negatives. It covers Davies’s experiences in the digital world – that includes cyberflashing such as all those unsolicited dick pics – as well as the widespread use of her images on pornography sites, escort services, dating apps, sex chats (“Ready for Rape? Role play now!” with her picture alongside it). However, the book also shines a light on the dark online men’s spaces, what they’re saying, the “games” they’re playing. “I wanted to show the reality of what men are doing,” says Davies. “People will say: ‘It’s not all men’ and no, it isn’t, but it also isn’t a small number of weirdos on the dark web in their mum’s basements. These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.”

    • sudneo@lemm.ee
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      14 hours ago

      because at least all men share the potential to act out problematic gender roles

      Everyone (literally) has the potential to act out problematic gender roles, women included.

      protect other men from female criticism because “they are different”

      This sentence is legit incoherent. If a criticism doesn’t apply to someone, protecting against said criticism is quite literally preventing discrimination.

      If men want to get rid of the collective suspicions

      Or maybe we can criticize unfair collective suspicion in the same way summary judgments based on other categories are crticizised. I really can’t see how this argument does not lead to racism, sexism, etc. Being a man is not being part of a club, you don’t decide to join, you don’t subscribe to any value, you don’t have a steering committee that decides how “manhood” is by vote. Why tf anybody should be responsible to change a group that they are part of simply for biological reasons?

    • spirinolas@lemmy.world
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      15 hours ago

      I can’t comprehend how people can make such a statement when the same logic applied to race instead of gender would make them (righteously) scream bloody racism.

      I’m not responsible for the actions of someone who has the same genitals as me, no more than someone with the same skin color.

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        10 hours ago

        Ironically that poster is an Israel supporter. By their own logic every Israeli should be victim of default “suspicion” and be treated like an IDF war criminal, since everyone has the “potential” to be one.

        Actually, this argument would be even more compelling since Israel does have elections and you can emigrate/renounce to your citizenship, both not possible in case of manhood.

        It’s bizarre that someone could come up with such a poor argument that ultimately boils down to: “people should be accountable for the actions of other people in the same demographic”, without realising there are tons of way you can divide people in demographics.

        • petrol_sniff_king@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          5 hours ago

          “people should be accountable for the actions of other people in the same demographic”,

          Sudneo! Answer these questions:

          Do you agree that stalking women is bad behavior?

          If you discovered a person who was stalking a woman, would you seek to intervene?

          Don’t yadda-yadda about what the argument was to me—I don’t care. I want the answers to these two questions.

    • Captain_Buddha@lemmy.world
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      15 hours ago

      Yes, because the solution to misogynistic chauvinism is misandronistic chauvinism. Brilliant thinking… That’ll alter things for the better.

    • blarghly@lemmy.world
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      14 hours ago

      If men want to get rid of the collective suspicions they need to act to prevent their own sexism and misogyny and those of other men!

      I’m fine with the collective suspicion, since I know that (a) the suspicions are misplaced for me personally, and this will be obvious to anyone spending any time around me, and (b) because this is a dominant attitude only among women who are chronically online, who I wouldn’t want to spend time with anyway.

      So, sorry, your shame-blackmail won’t work on me. If you are going to other me, putting me on the other “side”, then please provide a reason for helping you that will benefit me personally. After all, why would I want to help someone who sees me as an enemy?

    • PowerCrazy@lemmy.ml
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      14 hours ago

      A random sub-reddit doesn’t represent any significant portion of “men,” as a class.

    • Formfiller@lemmy.world
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      15 hours ago

      You’re right but the problem lies in not even being able to have this conversation online without the mobbing

      • spirinolas@lemmy.world
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        11 hours ago

        You have the right to say sexist shit. And we have the right to call you out for it.

        Look, you want to vent because there are problematic men, go ahead. You have to complain because there are aspects of male culture that enable such men, go ahead.

        But the moment you attack a whole group for the actions of a few, just because of physical similarities you are no better than a racist and I will call you for it.

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          10 hours ago

          That’s not how racism works. The group in power at the top of the hedgemony that subjugates other groups doesn’t get to claim victim status when they’re asked to self reflect.

          • sudneo@lemm.ee
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            10 hours ago

            Yes, because “men” is such a stringent definition for a hedgemonic class. Half the population on earth, across different social statuses, nationalities, wealth, race, age, and so on. Honestly, claiming this is the “group in power” is absurd.

            A completely poor analysis, what there is to reflect on?

      • Psychadelligoat@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        14 hours ago

        They are not right, they are sexist as fuck

        If all men are responsible for the shitty men because we have the capacity to be that way - then all women are responsible for the shitty things women do and they owe me an apology and better treatment before they’ll get anything from me