I don’t know how to put this succinctly, but I read recently about someone feeling like they’re an outsider looking into the world of “normal” people. I feel a bit of the opposite, like I’m a “normal” person just realizing how shit it is to be part of the problems in our world right now-I’d much rather be an outsider to all of it so I couldn’t accept responsibility. I’m just as much of a contributor to everything bad as any other peer in the world. It’s not like I can pinpoint one certain thing I do that makes me feel that way, but I realize how often I judge other people for thinking they’re the perpetrators in everything wrong with society, when I’m not doing anything that differently from the rest of them. It goes the opposite way in that no matter how helpful I think I’m being to contribute to some “greater good,” I still feel I’m doing the bare minimum, and feel culpable in my smallness and ability to enact long lasting in the way I’d like to see the world.
I completely relate to the idea of being an insider of said box and peering outward, though when I was a little younger than I am now, I felt like an outsider. I mainly wrote this post so generically because I was afraid to be more specific about what I meant, and I guess everyone commenting here took what I meant as the “problem” a little differently. I think it’s cool, and I realize I’m not alone.
I’m realizing that everything I’ve judged other people in the past for as an “outsider looking in” were things I did/do as well, like contributing to global warming by just existing, being an asshole in traffic, being picky about who I talk to in social situations bc I’m afraid of getting hurt, politically I haven’t protested as much as I should be and I’m letting things happen even though I don’t agree with what’s going on. I agree with the “you do you” element to an extent, in that I’m involved in a lot of volunteerism and ecological restoration, so I have things I’m working toward making better. But everyone “you do you-ing” doesn’t leave a lot of room for common understanding and shared morals, imo.
Being “part of the problem” is me feeling like I’m another asshole I guess, by judging others for things I do myself. I feel like narcissism is on the rise in the US, and it feels rapid, and I feel part of that problem. I would say I’m an optimistic person, but the self-importance of most people these days doesn’t do much good for anyone. I really just wish we could all kumbaya or whatever.
Also sadly, I’m not in your age range, nor straight, but I appreciate the bravery in putting it out there :)