I got lucky and am able to provide for myself, with no other options. Always so close to the edge of failure. Before getting my job I was within a couple of weeks of being homeless which is a death sentence for me. Ugh.

I wanted to keep quiet but I also wanted to learn about real power. I discovered things about my local community that are terrifying. People who get away with horrible crimes because they align politically with powerful memes and agendas.

You don’t have to believe me, few around me do or even care to.

I cant go outside without fear of being identified or having my picture taken. Which have happened. I cant ride public transit or go to public spaces because my body is obviously disfigured and broken. People point and stare. My mind is ugly and scattered. These are aggravating factors for alot of troubles in my life.

My entire life I have been called horrible slurs, physically assaulted, isolated from/by my family and generally persecuted, all for being autistic, disabled and handicapped in ways locals eagerly take notice of. I am easy prey for aggressively hateful people. No friends.

I cant go to the gym because my limbs are different sizes. So I have a fat ass and man boobs. My body looks frightening to most people, who just stare at me. My attitude is odd because I am odd.

Alot of what I experienced when younger went underground, but has resurfaced in recent years. As I am sure you are aware in your own observations about the world.

But I spoke out about politics in my local community and am afraid of fierce backlash against my person. Law enforcement in my town is politically motivated and isnt afraid to break (or conversely empower) people for these kinds of things.

If I lose my job, the only good thing in my life, I will lose everything. I cant work a regular person job because my disabled body doesn’t function. I am a freak. And Ive come to accept this.

I decided to defend myself. I spoke out against something alot of people around here support with all their might. I warned people about something terrifying, something lurking in plain sight hoping not to be seen. But I saw. So I vocalized again and again and again.

I would likely be raped and asaulted in the local jail. THe court room I would be pushed into allows for violent criminals of a certain stripe to make a scene and get away with it. But not for people like me.

I just cant do this any longer. I am alone, broke and desperate. I will not comply. I will use my life as a weapon against those who crusade against me. I will not spend the rest of my miserable time here as a punching bag for a political agenda that needs national attention.

If the FBI or local town police or county sheriffs come for me, I will not make it to court. They will put me down for odd movements, strange word choices. Calling me a terrorist or a criminal for speaking out against opportunisitic predators who put everyone unwanted in great danger.

I give up. I cant fight any longer.

I am not ashamed of what I did. I just need to figure out how I can weaponize the remaining lifespan I have left. I feel like throwing my already mangled corpse against the cogs of state and being consumed.

If they come for me… I want to be remembered as someone who stood up for the correct choices and perspectives.

Listen for me. You will be able to identify my story if this all comes about. Im so sick of living in fear. I cant do this any longer.

I want this post to serve as a warning to and beacon for others like me, be careful about speaking with a loose tongue. Even among others considered friendly. There are real forces at play looking to eat you alive.

I dont need professional help, there isnt such a thing for me in this part of the world. Its not worth fighting for as an individual. I need something greater, something more impactful. So sick of hiding from the world.

Do you think they know who I am? I do. I worry about my future all the time. I cant live like this, no one can.

I just wanted to live in a world where real change was possible. But I see it isnt and wont be in my lifetime.