when I worked at a big company people would be like “this company kinda sucks” and I never once felt the group of people that made the company suck included me.
Is there a reason people feel so personal about generalized frustration?
Employees, in a great many cases, don’t identify themselves with “the company.” If you go off on a rant about a specific race, or a specific gender, you’re damn right someone of that race or gender is going to be put off by it and interpret it as at least a bit about them.
Just flip the scenario to one where the man is complaining that “women suck” or that a white person is complaining that “black people suck” to their black date. And they can’t even - from the sounds of things - cough up a “present company excepted” - which you might well see doesn’t actually make it OK.
Like if you follow your example I don’t think the response is generally “I’m upset because you think I’m bad” but rather a declining respect for person generalizing a complaing.
The other thing is in dating women usually want to identify violent men (which a portion of men are) so you do want to trip their anger while you’re still in public and see how they respond. So I think that in a dating scenario specifically the role reversal becomes nonsensical (there’s just statistically less violent women to suss out so the the dynamics on what’s being evaluated is different).
I’m not saying this is good way to press people’s buttons, but it is a way to do it and I don’t really understand people taking things personally in this dynamic.
There is a line between general frustration and full on hypocrisy. If it was one or two of those things mentioned, whatever. My girlfriend often says men suck and I don’t think she means me.
But if she continued to express disdain for numerous other groups that included me, eventually the overlap would make me question what she even saw in me.
when I worked at a big company people would be like “this company kinda sucks” and I never once felt the group of people that made the company suck included me.
Is there a reason people feel so personal about generalized frustration?
Do they say that to the board of directors?
Employees, in a great many cases, don’t identify themselves with “the company.” If you go off on a rant about a specific race, or a specific gender, you’re damn right someone of that race or gender is going to be put off by it and interpret it as at least a bit about them.
Just flip the scenario to one where the man is complaining that “women suck” or that a white person is complaining that “black people suck” to their black date. And they can’t even - from the sounds of things - cough up a “present company excepted” - which you might well see doesn’t actually make it OK.
Like if you follow your example I don’t think the response is generally “I’m upset because you think I’m bad” but rather a declining respect for person generalizing a complaing.
The other thing is in dating women usually want to identify violent men (which a portion of men are) so you do want to trip their anger while you’re still in public and see how they respond. So I think that in a dating scenario specifically the role reversal becomes nonsensical (there’s just statistically less violent women to suss out so the the dynamics on what’s being evaluated is different).
I’m not saying this is good way to press people’s buttons, but it is a way to do it and I don’t really understand people taking things personally in this dynamic.
Ew… As if I want my date to just make me angry for funsies… God modern dating is so gross!
If we’re supposed to excuse people being shitty because they might be performing some sniff test for anger, the test doesn’t work.
There is a line between general frustration and full on hypocrisy. If it was one or two of those things mentioned, whatever. My girlfriend often says men suck and I don’t think she means me.
But if she continued to express disdain for numerous other groups that included me, eventually the overlap would make me question what she even saw in me.