In Mormon theology doing any mind altering substances like drinking alcohol, smoking anything, and I shit you not even drinking fucking coffee it’s explicitly forbidden.
But like most religious zealots, they all do it, and knitting circles ain’t got shit on churches when it comes to spreading other people’s business to “hold each other accountable”, but we all know it’s just a reason to gossip. So if you have one Mormon, and assuming you are not, the mormon will drink your beer. But if you have another one, they know that person will tell EVERYONE about it.
One of my most baffling social nights was being invited to poker night at the home of a bunch of Jehovah’s Witnesses. My buddy had married one (that’s a whole different kettle of fish, set that to the side for now lol) and that’s how I came along for card night.
So anyways… there’s no gambling allowed… so the deal was everybody put in $20 dollars and whoever “won” was awarded the trophy. To keep it totally in God’s hands and not humans gambling, the poker game’s River card would mutate all cards with the same value to Wild cards. So no matter how shitty anybody played or what anybody did, the outcome was quasi-random. Then once everybody had all the chips, they were awarded the trophy. The trophy was a 40oz bottle of whiskey. Which Jehovah’s are not allowed to drink. But don’t worry, it was agreed beforehand nobody would actually drink it, it’s a damned trophy for crying out loud!
Also we were not allowed (per JW rules) to be socializing in the first place. Also there was rock music in the background while we played which is not allowed. And the JWs would individually disappear to the laundry room to make their pop-only drinks with whatever (pop only!) products each person brought to the gathering in a zippered gym bag.
I had a friend (Who often got confused for Will Ferrell) who ran karaoke nights down south who was ex communicated, or I think it was called de-fellowshipped, from JW for trying to learn about their past. Fuck these cults are strange.
How do you keep a Mormon from drinking all the beer on your fishing trip?
Invite another Mormon.
(My family is Mormon and they also think this joke is hilarious)
I don’t get it.
In Mormon theology doing any mind altering substances like drinking alcohol, smoking anything, and I shit you not even drinking fucking coffee it’s explicitly forbidden.
But like most religious zealots, they all do it, and knitting circles ain’t got shit on churches when it comes to spreading other people’s business to “hold each other accountable”, but we all know it’s just a reason to gossip. So if you have one Mormon, and assuming you are not, the mormon will drink your beer. But if you have another one, they know that person will tell EVERYONE about it.
One of my most baffling social nights was being invited to poker night at the home of a bunch of Jehovah’s Witnesses. My buddy had married one (that’s a whole different kettle of fish, set that to the side for now lol) and that’s how I came along for card night.
So anyways… there’s no gambling allowed… so the deal was everybody put in $20 dollars and whoever “won” was awarded the trophy. To keep it totally in God’s hands and not humans gambling, the poker game’s River card would mutate all cards with the same value to Wild cards. So no matter how shitty anybody played or what anybody did, the outcome was quasi-random. Then once everybody had all the chips, they were awarded the trophy. The trophy was a 40oz bottle of whiskey. Which Jehovah’s are not allowed to drink. But don’t worry, it was agreed beforehand nobody would actually drink it, it’s a damned trophy for crying out loud!
Also we were not allowed (per JW rules) to be socializing in the first place. Also there was rock music in the background while we played which is not allowed. And the JWs would individually disappear to the laundry room to make their pop-only drinks with whatever (pop only!) products each person brought to the gathering in a zippered gym bag.
I mean. Yeah. It was so fucking weird man.
I had a friend (Who often got confused for Will Ferrell) who ran karaoke nights down south who was ex communicated, or I think it was called de-fellowshipped, from JW for trying to learn about their past. Fuck these cults are strange.
Oh, I thought when you invite a second Mormon, the first one won’t drink all your beer cause the second one will drink half of it.
Technically if they both drink it neither one has drunk all the beer. Mission accomplished