A year ago I broke up with my gf of 8 years after finding out she cheated on me and had been for a long time.
I quite literally have zero friends remaining at this point. Every single mutual friend has stayed friends with her and completely ghosted me. I can only suspect I’ve been slandered and that’s why nobody wants anything to do with me anymore. I tried going to local shows as that was my community but it’s completely sucked the fun out of things because it’s a small city and there’s always eyes on me from different corners of the room like I’ve done something wrong and I don’t feel welcome anymore. So I’ve just stopped attending concerts which used to be my safe space. Standing by myself watching the band while people stare a hole in the side of my head isn’t exactly enjoyable.
My lived experience has now taught me that 90% of people are cheaters, liars, and thieves, and while I know that’s not reality, it’s fundamentally changed the way I approach friendships. I don’t open up to people anymore because I don’t trust anyone anymore.
I don’t think or care about my ex but the friends who ghosted me still cause daily intrusive thoughts. I don’t know why I’ve been abandoned. No closure and no way to defend myself. I never expected how much more it hurts to lose friends than it does to lose a partner.
I miss my friends but they’ve proven they don’t care about me so when they inevitably reach out to me there’s no way I’ll be able to forgive.
Probably I need to go back to therapy again but just curious if anyone has experienced similar.
Yeah, mate. When my ex left me, even my older brother asked me to not come to parties at his place because it made her uncomfortable.
She was there with my brothers’ friend. She had been seeing him for a while and I was the last person to know. The whole time she had been telling anyone who found out about them that I was abusive and to keep it quiet for her protection (yet she was verbally and financially abusing me).
In the end I was shunned by almost everyone that I knew. I lost my home, my friends, most of my family and ended up in debt for years as a result.
Only my younger brother stood by me and stood up for me. Everyone else believed her. When I started dating my (now) wife, she was approached by several of my old “friends” and told that I was ‘bad news’ and to avoid me because I was abusive. My (now) wife told them she was “a grown woman and capable of making up her own mind, thank you very much!” We’ve been together 22 years, married for 17 years and have two amazing kids. In the end, though I suffered, I have come through way better off than I was then. The perspective that I have gained has made me much more aware of the value loyalty, friendship and love.
My ex married and had a kid with the brother’s friend. They didn’t last 5 years. She pulled the same shit with him, but nobody believed her this time. They had seen the same playbook when she cheated on me. He’s still single, and she’s with another ex-friend’s brother, burning bridges as she goes…
Just take small steps, my friend. Start a journal. See a counselor. Get up every day and see what it brings. You never know what’s around the corner. Eat right. Exercise. Just exist in the world without expectation and you’ll find your place. May it be filled with joy.
I’m sorry you had to go through that but I’m happy that it worked out for you. Some people are just truly awful.
And some people are truly wonderful. Offering empathy and understanding to internet strangers is a simple kindness that can make someone’s day brighter. Thank you.
Your wife sounds amazing. I’ve been dating someone for a while who has been messaged by someone I know saying I’m bad news. And she immediately blocked. One of the hurdles early on for her is that she couldnt comprehend how someone like me is so universally hated and I’m so grateful she didn’t write me off because of that
Ex’s current bf is a former friend of mine and maybe it’s cruel of me to think this but I can’t wait till he experiences the same thing and maybe gives me some sort of redemption here
You could take the person you’re dating out to concerts to enjoy them together.
You’ll probably feel that way for a while. Try to not hold on to it. Carrying resentment and anger around is like deliberately filling your life with negativity. It’s draining and will leave you emotionally and physically exhausted.
You may eventually find that it’s a blessing that so many people showed you their true colours in such a direct way. You have a clean slate. Start surrounding yourself with people that are supportive and empathetic. You can choose who your friends are. Make good choices. Move slowly. Trust your gut.
You’ll be okay, friend. Good luck.