A year ago I broke up with my gf of 8 years after finding out she cheated on me and had been for a long time.
I quite literally have zero friends remaining at this point. Every single mutual friend has stayed friends with her and completely ghosted me. I can only suspect I’ve been slandered and that’s why nobody wants anything to do with me anymore. I tried going to local shows as that was my community but it’s completely sucked the fun out of things because it’s a small city and there’s always eyes on me from different corners of the room like I’ve done something wrong and I don’t feel welcome anymore. So I’ve just stopped attending concerts which used to be my safe space. Standing by myself watching the band while people stare a hole in the side of my head isn’t exactly enjoyable.
My lived experience has now taught me that 90% of people are cheaters, liars, and thieves, and while I know that’s not reality, it’s fundamentally changed the way I approach friendships. I don’t open up to people anymore because I don’t trust anyone anymore.
I don’t think or care about my ex but the friends who ghosted me still cause daily intrusive thoughts. I don’t know why I’ve been abandoned. No closure and no way to defend myself. I never expected how much more it hurts to lose friends than it does to lose a partner.
I miss my friends but they’ve proven they don’t care about me so when they inevitably reach out to me there’s no way I’ll be able to forgive.
Probably I need to go back to therapy again but just curious if anyone has experienced similar.
These are personal experiences that I had to learn and try to put into action in my life, and it has helped a lot especially as someone who’s struggled to be a social person at all for many years.
And nowhere did I say it’s a choice between two extremes. I said resilient relationships take work. That’s not an extreme, it’s nudging things into a healthier direction over time. When you just let things happen without putting in any work, it’s no surprise things shake out the way you say. But that’s not a given, it’s a choice.
why would i be in a relationship if it took work? work takes work. relationships are supposed to be enjoyable and fun, like hobby.
again, you sound like you have internalized way too much self-help therapy stuff. ordinry folks don’t approach life that way.
i have relationships, but i would not classify any of them as ‘work’. when they become ‘work’ it means it’s time to stop interacting with that person.