I recently started playing in a Luanti server and I was having a good time, I tend to be more independent but I usually participate in server events. I also tend to help people out if I am able/know what to do.
However there are times I would interact with what seems to be children, and it feels suffocating. Sometimes when they spot me would sort of type my name into the chats until I respond, and ask me to do stuff with them. Normally that’s okay, but it’s very often and the activity tends to take up a lot of time and would sort of leave me frustrated, like with mining because if they spot a valuable ore I’m mining they would sometimes take it for themselves. Another is when I’m exploring/moving around the world and one of them wants to follow me around, but I dislike being followed around and I like my alone time. I would often humor them and point out some good locations and interesting stuff but when I want to chill by somewhere they also want to be in that spot. Sometimes they can be sort of excitable that they want to go somewhere else and want me to go with them, but I would really prefer to be in my spot.
They aren’t malicious but it really scares me away from being spotted by them or talking in chat when they’re online. Some of them can really insist a lot and they may think me talking to other people means I have time to deal with them. But I’m not their parent and I have my own goals.
I tried saying I was busy doing something, but after a while they would ask if I wasn’t busy anymore. Eventually after doing it a couple of times it feels like I’m being mean.
You’re relying on children to interpret social cues as if they’re an adult. They’re not mature enough for that. You have to be direct and tell them “no”, which can be done without being mean.
Try saying, “No thanks, I don’t want to do that. I’m playing solo tonight.” If you never want to play with them, just say, “Thanks for the invite, but I prefer to play solo.”
If they won’t accept “no” for an answer, use the in-game report features to report them for harassing you and/or block them. It will (hopefully) teach them a valuable lesson.
You might just need to be more honest and direct. Something like “thanks for the invite but i want to go solo today”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWPhg_eyv1s
Drawing boundaries for people who have no connection to you besides playing the same MMO isn’t “mean”. It’s simply drawing boundaries.
I think you should try stating your wishes, and then sticking with them. It worked for me before, when I was also struggling with a similar thing, thought it was grownups, instead of kids.
If you say things like “not right now”, “I’m doing x currently”, “I can’t because I’m busy”, this signals to them that they need to wait, and you will be available later. And as they get impatient they will ask you again. This isn’t what you want.
If you say “sorry, today I would like to play alone” they will possibly be more disappointed that they don’t get you at all, but at least they will know not to expect your availability and they can hopefully make their own fun. It’s sort of like ripping off the band-aid. It’s more uncomfortable for you to say it this way, and will hurt them more to hear, but it’s better for everyone involved in the long run.
I used to be evasive with my adult gaming friends, like “I’m not sure I’ll be online today” and “I might come on later”, sometimes while hiding my steam and discord status and playing alone. But it had the same effect you’re describing. These days I just tell them, “Sorry I’m too tired”, or “Sorry I feel like playing a single player game today”. It’s miles better, and I don’t have to keep lying.
I see, you’re right and this sounds reasonable. Thank you a lot!
You’re supposed to be “mean” (it’s not mean at all) in this case.
Tell them to stop following you around or talking to you, nicely, exactly once.
Then, if they don’t comply, you are probably dealing with a troll who enjoys annoying people. Children especially are prone to that. You have to stop doing anything interesting for a bit, just go afk, make a tea or whatever, and wait until they get bored and move on. Then you can resume playing. Or even, if that is a thing in this game, get a moderator to remove them.
Insisting on your preferred way to interact (or not) is not mean, it’s required for your mental health. They have no right at all to interact with you if you don’t want it, and they should be respecting it. If they don’t, any amount of "mean"ness is warranted.