Obviously you can’t put every little detail here in this post, so I’m going purely off your side of the story and what details are available, just keep this in mind if you happen to ponder my reply.
A few things jumped out to me. First being that it seems you’re trying hard to accommodate your partners condition (this really is amazing of you, so don’t ever discount yourself in that regard), but they don’t seem to be very accommodating towards your condition (ADHD). It can be hard sometimes with mental disabilities as they’re occasionally seen as “invisible” conditions or “made up to excuse bad behavior”, but I promise you, it’s 100% real and isn’t just a matter of willpower or something. It seems you already know this though, but maybe your partner doesn’t. Have they ever said anything that comes off that they think that? It may be worth thinking about.
Another thing that jumped out to me, is that there was a few incidents of implied meanings or that you were expected to “read their mind” like with the shifted sleep schedule. Yeah, I see their POV, they woke up earlier, therefore they’d get tired earlier, but unless that was communicated, you don’t know that was what should’ve happened. Honestly, this wasn’t you being slow on the uptake or something, this was a lack of communication on your partners end. MAYBE you could’ve asked if they wanted to go to bed earlier that night, but it shouldn’t be EXPECTED unless explicitly stated at some point.
No one can make decisions for you unfortunately, even if we’d like someone to take that stress away from us at times, but I will say that it is important you really try and look at things in your life and potentially prepare for a tough decision or outcome. I do hope things work out for you and your partner, whatever that looks like for both of you moving forward.
Stay strong, and continue to reach out to that support group, sounds like it might be helpful for you! I don’t always advise reaching out to random Internet people, but if anything, I’m sure a lot of us in this community would be happy to help/listen to a fellow person going through life with similar struggles.
Yeah, I agreed with this. We could be missing context from OP, but it sounds like OP is accommodating their partner to the best of their ability, but OP isn’t getting the same in return. Their partner could potentially look into seeing a specialist if possible (ya know, unless America, lack luster healthcare and all, yeehaw) and get help with adapting their sleeping to allow for all parties to be better off.