I have two teenage boys 19/16.

A long time ago a friend of mine, who had kids way earlier than me, said this; “My kids are the best thing that has ever happened to me and also the worst.”

At the time, I was still several years from becoming a parent myself and was a bit aghast that he said it. Fast forward a few years and my boys have come into the world…

I understand what he was talking about completely.

Being a parent is one of the few things that at one moment make you feel like you’re on top of the world and in the very next instant the biggest pile of crap that has ever been in the entire history of humanity.

That’s what is called “Parenthood” and there are just some things about it a person will never be able to understand until they experience it for themselves.

Always been good with kids. As life turned out, my partner has a career taking them around the world: i’m the tagalong spise looking after the kids. We have three boys, 19, 16, 12. They are all cooler than me in various ways and I have given them all so much more than my parents gave me: emotionally, materially, the lot. They are more open minded, more reasonable, better equipped for life, more stable, more secure… I have them a lot, “sacrificed” quite a bit, time wise, career wise, and soon they’re all gone creating their own lives while i’ll be following my partner around, trying to patch together a new meaning of this existence.

For a man, it’s been an unusual journey. But worth it.

My advice is you’re on the fence about kids, don’t adopt.

We adopted because we thought “we’re actually pretty good at this, and hey, there are kids out there who desperately need a family”.

Let me tell you, it is so much harder, for so many reasons. I can’t even fully express it, it’s so much harder.

I have 3 little goblins. 13yo boy, twin 11yo girls.

I love being dad. It’s been hard. It’s been miserable. It has made me grow into a better person. It has made me more tolerant and loving and caring and understanding. It’s been absolutely joyous and fun too.

One has been my sous chef and I’ve loved teaching her all about cooking. It started when she was probably 6, I’d let her help make dinner by stirring a bowl of ingredients or something easy. Now she makes entire multi course dinners on her own, at 11.

One is my snuggler and talker and just a chill sweet calm and kind soul. She loves stuffed animals and does tap jazz ballet pop dance.

One is our “animal whisperer” and has a magical presence around animals that somehow can get them to do what she wants. Maybe because she is semi-feral herself the animals understand her on a deep spiritual level.

One is an artist. He got into pencil sketches a year or so ago and has really spent a lot of time practicing and learning techniques and figuring out his unique style. He draws cute characters and dragons and video game characters and I am so impressed by it all.

Two of them love camping and being outdoors like me.

All 3 love video games and reading and being outside like me. All 3 love laughing and being silly and jokes and memes. All 3 love animals and love our pet cats.

I can’t even imagine not being a dad.

However, and I can’t stress this enough, parenting isn’t for everyone. And that’s ok! If being a parent doesn’t feel like the thing for you, then don’t do it! And don’t feel guilty for that decision either. Some people have kids, some are the close aunty/unc, some have nothing to do with raising kids and all of that is fine. Don’t let society or family pressure you to do something if you know it isn’t for you. Society isn’t going to be there at 3am when your newborn cries.

But for me, I love it, can’t imagine not being dad. Love teaching them things, love watching them grow and learn, love seeing their unique personalities and styles develop, love who they are becoming, love being a part of that.

I have kids.

It was obviously a difficult decision when not knowing what it would be like, but I think the key for me was that it’s the kind of experience that you can only fully grasp by going through with it. I just had to YOLO it.

No regrets. Not only did I get to be part of their lives, but it also changed me in ways that I would never have thought possible otherwise. I learned a lot.

It’s hard work and expensive, but I don’t think I’ve missed out of anything that I could’ve had or done if I hadn’t had kids. I suppose I’m very privileged in the sense that they haven’t been a hinderance in any regard. It’s not really a choice between being able to do something or not. It’s more about having these tiny companions along when you decide do it anyway.

I have kids that are grown and kids that are little. Being a parent can bring both the best and hardest experiences in life.

The initial experience, especially between pregnancy and the first few months after birth, is dramatically different for men and women. And this is just one guys perspective.

I remember feeling kind of conflicted at first. Like I should feel more excited than I do. Everyone is congratulating me. My wife is super excited. Her body is changing. She’s experiencing all this in real time and I’m just …here.

Then the baby is born. You’re pretty sure there is no way in hell a head that big is going to fit through a hole that small. It does, provided everything goes well. And now you’re just exhausted 24/7 for at least the first year. “Oh no. What have we done? I think maybe this was a huge mistake.” You knew things were going to change. Maybe even in a big way. But you didn’t realize everything would change. Now you suddenly understand why that one couple that you guys used to hang with all the time stopped showing up to get togethers after their first was born. You have zero free time and the lack of sleep feels like it’s shaving years off your life. Baby’s just cry, eat, sleep, and poop. You secretly wonder “how old is too old to drop her off at the fire station?”

Then something sort of magical happens. You’re rocking the baby because it’s being fussy. Probably because it’s a Tuesday night, and that’s the Tuesday night routine. All of a sudden, this little person just kind of snuggles up to your neck, sighs a satisfied little sigh, and konks out. And right there in that moment, your heart melts. I actually cried a little. I didn’t want that moment to end. But end it must.

There are other similar moments in your future. But there are also more hard ones. Your baby grows up, faster than you expect. First to a toddler, when you sometimes ask your wife, “how old is too old to drop him off at the fire station?” And she responds, “I don’t know, but if we leave now, we can probably squeeze in some cocktails and a movie before bed time.”

Overall, they’re pretty fun. Expensive, but fun. Then they get to be about 12 years old. Maybe 13 if you’re lucky. They’ve idolized you up to this point. You’ve been the center of their universe. But no longer. Now, you are a loser who is always infringing on their plans and embarrasing them. That’s ok. Its kind if your job. Your child has turned into the really overconfident drunk at the bar who believes she can “totally drive better after a few beers” and is currently trying to either fight or flirt with the jukebox. Maybe both. You’re not sure which and asking will just get some eye rolling and dirty looks.

Your job is to snag her keys, plop her into an uber, and mutter, “Ok, buddy. Let’s just get you home” with as little sarcasm as possible. Meanwhile, your wife is calling to ask, “how old is too old to drop her off at the fire station?”. If you’re lucky, this scenario is just a metaphor. If not, you’ve got some ball busting to do. It’s part of the job.

Eventually, the “overconfident drunk” sobers up and becomes an adult. And you know you’ve at least been a good role model the first time he calls to say, “Dad, I need help.” You help him, as best you can. While trying and failing to hold back a tear that rolls down your face as you realize the little baby that you watched come into the world is now an adult.

Some of it can be incredibly bitter. But some of it is oh, so sweet. Being a parent is not for everyone. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Have kids. Love my kids. I never thought I’d love having kids the way I do. They are some of my favorite people on the planet.

That said…

Kids are not for everyone. Having kids can be really hard on you, it would suck to discover you hate parenting after having kids. I probably wouldn’t have kids today given global geopolitical issues and the climate crisis.

Yes, I would very much like that. I’ve always had the vague feeling that I do and enjoyed being with and around children, but started thinking about it more when I was together with my now-ex since we were discussing future plans.

Children are joy, discovery, love, and they are the future. I expect it might be both the most difficult but also rewarding venture one can set out on.

I have 2, boy almost 19 and girl 15… they are the best people I know and the only thing that makes me hopeful for the future

They are and will always be the best I have done with my life

I have five total, two from birth. Being part of their lives has been an honor and joy — though not without its trials. Like I remember when my 6 year old decorated her closet in our rental house with math equations using a sharpie. I just had to sit and laugh with her. Or when my daughter, who loved to swim with my help or with swimmers just jumped into the deep end of a pool while I was on the other side cleaning something up and I had to sprint and dive in to pull her up. I don’t think she even noticed she was going to drown.

I got ordained as a Jedi so that I could marry my oldest daughter dressed as Darth Vader — I made the groom duel me for her hand in front of everyone. It was good times.

I mean I could share shit shows as well but for the most part I’m really happy to be a dad.

I have six and I’m not taking any more, sorry pal!

I have 3 boys; or as I tell others 3 noise. Almost 5, 7 and 10.

For the nerdy metaphor…they are like like asteroids in space; when there is just two of them the orbits are stable and predictable. Add in a third, chaotic interactions are the norm, things can seem stable for periods but it is unpredictable when things will fly apart.

Being a parent is lots of fun, but often challenging. The different needs of the boys are stark, as are the differences in personality. One is extremely self driven and motivated; another is reserved, thoughtful and kind; the youngest is loud and trying to standout from the other two.

There are a million stories of cool stuff that happens and frustrations. Kids come up with cool new ideas; they are both reflections and extensions of you and what you teach them; both intentionally and unintentionally.

One story that is both horrifying and pride inducing:

My oldest had not been at school long; maybe a few months (so under 6); came home one day with a thoughtful look on his face. I said “whats up dude?”; he replies with “you only get in trouble for what you get caught for, right?”.
My dad brain; is going WTF have I created!!!; I didn’t really click to that till I was 9. I still wonder what he did to ask that question. When I asked “why?”; his response “oh no reason”.

If there is one bit of advice I would give to prospective parents:

Do not compare your kid to other kids, support their development at their pace. Just because their brother/sister/your friends kid, could do something at a specific age doesn’t say anything about your kid. Different skills develop at different rates in different people.

No thanks, I’m vegetarian

I do not want and also do not have children.

However, my nieces are an absolute joy made all the better by the fact I can give them back when I reach my limit. 😐

The best two things I did with my life was marrying my wife and having my kid. It’s been fantastic.