This is bad and harmful parenting to me and should be condemned in an age where we know better.
Compared to what?
Quite literally in the age immediately prior to this one, the method of teaching the lesson would’ve been direct physical punishment of the go-get-me-a-switch variety.
So you saying parents should take things away as punishment, but then you go nuts when a parent/grandparent takes the kid’s phone away as punishment? JFC at least be consistent
Taking away things is fine. But consequences should be communicated and expected. Just hiding something to teach them a lesson tends to be ineffective. People are often outraged when parents do such a thing. Well. In particular if those things are a medical necessity such as a inhaler or a even a phone if you have medical devices that use it as an interface.
I read the last article, here’s what stood out to me: the importance of stating the consequence in advance, and the importance of there being a logical connection between the “crime and punishment,” so to speak.
in addition to making sure your child is old enough to understand this type of consequence, a crucial part of using the tactic of taking something away is that parents should clearly state the punishment upfront.
“The important piece of this approach to discipline is to establish these consequences in advance (i.e. ‘if you don’t clean up your room, you will lose the ability to play with your LEGOs tonight’). As a reactive form of punishment, taking away privileges seems random and fails to establish the connection between a behavior and a consequence,” Fox notes. “When set up in advance, it gives the child a choice — if they don’t make their bed, they are choosing to not be allowed to play with their LEGOs. The sooner we set up this sense of accountability, the less discipline we’ll have to do over the long term.”
Another consideration that experts say can be made in addition to making sure the consequence is outlined ahead of time, is that your child can make the appropriate connection between their actions and the punishment.
“It’s very important for parents to make a connection between the behavior and what is being taken away, particularly as a child gets older. For instance, if they fail to obey rules around devices or video games, it makes sense to take those away as punishment,” Fox tells Romper. “On the other hand, if they can’t be nice to their sister, they don’t get to spend time with their friends — this sends the message that if they can’t be nice to this person, they don’t get to hang out with that person. As parents, you have to make the connection to the consequence for the child because their brain just doesn’t yet work that way.”
Re: the logical consequence, from my own childhood, in elementary school my teachers and parents came up with a behavioral contract where, if i didn’t do my homework, i couldn’t play with my friends after school. Since i couldn’t fathom ever being able to finish my homework, i just accepted the fact that i couldn’t be friends anymore with my friends. I don’t think that worked long term.
Not who you responded to but had similiar moments. Path of least resistance. Some tasks lock me to all hell, so if these are put before with some consequence if I fail, rather than doing them, I start working on mitigatign the incoming consequence.
From adult life: Washing dishes is hard for me. Not washing dishes causes dirty, rotting sink. So I limited myself to one plate, one bowl etc. in an effort of limiting consequences. If I don’t manage to wash the dishes, worst case scenario I have very limited amount of stuff rotting, which is also easier to clean up when I manage to get to it.
Can see it in op example: Doing homework is almost impossible, leaving out friends sucks, limit friends to lessen the impact of not doing homework.
Compared to what?
Quite literally in the age immediately prior to this one, the method of teaching the lesson would’ve been direct physical punishment of the go-get-me-a-switch variety.
https://childmind.org/article/how-can-i-get-my-kids-to-do-chores/
https://simplejoywithann.medium.com/stop-threatening-your-children-that-youll-throw-their-toys-away-if-they-don-t-clean-up-6dbb25a65656
https://www.romper.com/p/should-you-take-things-away-as-punishment-experts-say-it-can-work-19381020
I thought this common sense.
So you saying parents should take things away as punishment, but then you go nuts when a parent/grandparent takes the kid’s phone away as punishment? JFC at least be consistent
Taking away things is fine. But consequences should be communicated and expected. Just hiding something to teach them a lesson tends to be ineffective. People are often outraged when parents do such a thing. Well. In particular if those things are a medical necessity such as a inhaler or a even a phone if you have medical devices that use it as an interface.
This is an absolutely ridiculous assumption to make given how little information we’re given.
You desperately need to go touch grass right now
This was referring to a different post where someone was complaining about that.
Just pointing out that this is a spectrum and people are stupid.
Uh huh. Sure you did
I read the last article, here’s what stood out to me: the importance of stating the consequence in advance, and the importance of there being a logical connection between the “crime and punishment,” so to speak.
Re: the logical consequence, from my own childhood, in elementary school my teachers and parents came up with a behavioral contract where, if i didn’t do my homework, i couldn’t play with my friends after school. Since i couldn’t fathom ever being able to finish my homework, i just accepted the fact that i couldn’t be friends anymore with my friends. I don’t think that worked long term.
But… why? Was it really so onerous?
Not who you responded to but had similiar moments. Path of least resistance. Some tasks lock me to all hell, so if these are put before with some consequence if I fail, rather than doing them, I start working on mitigatign the incoming consequence.
From adult life: Washing dishes is hard for me. Not washing dishes causes dirty, rotting sink. So I limited myself to one plate, one bowl etc. in an effort of limiting consequences. If I don’t manage to wash the dishes, worst case scenario I have very limited amount of stuff rotting, which is also easier to clean up when I manage to get to it.
Can see it in op example: Doing homework is almost impossible, leaving out friends sucks, limit friends to lessen the impact of not doing homework.
That’s not an acceptable punishment and I am sorry. It’s very important for tasks to be manageable.
I believe we were asked to just stop and be done after 30 minutes.