My wife and I are basically attached at the hip. She’s my best friend and we do so much to support each other on all fronts.
Meanwhile in our friend circles, it’s the total opposite. People that are clearly with the wrong partners but refuse to change or grow; one that continues chasing a relationship they’ve admitted is toxic for them; couples that are married out of what seems like trauma alone or they’ve simply drifted due to never communicating; a few with the weird “wife bad lol” boomer mentality; a now-acquaintance that used to always give everyone unsolicited advice, has now started expressing misogynistic views after being perpetually single. Just no capacity for introspection and self-reflection.
My wife and I are by no means perfect, but we are open with each other, we cheer each other on, and we talk through things that bug us. The building blocks are simple but some folks refuse to adhere to them, while constantly wondering what went wrong.
Women have always been the strongest leaders throughout my life. My wife is my world and I personally think that women make better leaders. I’ve never been interested in any of the dumb humor and thought tropes that come out of male circles about women, even dating back to high school. All of that shit has always felt weird and makes me lose respect for the men that lean on that kind of lazy punch-down humor.
Most of my friends in relationships are happy there, but my wife and I are still notoriously happy in ours. I recently had a therapist comment about how we handle conflict surprisingly well after I explained it to her
I agree with everything except that women make better leaders, because i’d rather call it “different”. Leadership styles do differ, but which one is better depends on the situation. My wife was absolutely great at planning and improvising when something went wrong, while not having the calm needed for fine, detailed work - threading a needle was a pain for her, constructing something from Ikea made her really tilt; I OTOH absolutely suck at improvising (planning is fine, although realizing the plans is hard), while having no issue with very sensitive and rather annoying tasks, i simply kept my pace and cool throughout.
We really were a good match in general, and would still be together if it weren’t for my other issues which made us slowly drift apart and smothered what we had. We still care for each other a lot and visit one another every few weeks and message daily, but how it currently stands we are both better off alone.
Strangely I cope a lot better with the situation than her - i have a more active social life than i ever had before because i finally broke free of my permanent mental overload by living alone and being able to set my own rules, while her social circle currently crumbles without a clear reason why (although i think a lot of her acquaintances do resent her for dropping me, and gossip seems to spread like wildfire - she doesn’t deserve that at all, but even where i personally told people that I fully agree with the decision to separate, it doesn’t help at all)
I don’t even think that there exists such thing as “male” or “female” leadership. Leadership is just leadership, it’s genderless, just like a rock is just a rock.
Ultimately, things just do exist, they don’t have genders. If anything, they’re only by their materiality and their objective and/or intrinsical features, not by something so subjective and arbitrary as gender.
Some African and Native South-American “male” leadership styles are more similar to what in the Western culture would be considered a “female” leadership style.
I think the fact that you were able to identify your own struggles, while still maintaining a good relationship is huge. I think “different” is a better descriptor here over my saying it’s “better.” It’s always nuanced and everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. When you find that those blocks all naturally interlock together and you support one another to fill those gaps, that demonstrates a really healthy connection.
Open, honest communication is the foundation for ANY healthy long term relationship. Spousal, friendship, family, all of it. It genuinely baffles me how many people don’t seem to get what that means. It doesn’t mean you need to be perfect. It means you need to approach tension in your relationship in good faith and with intent to fix it as a team, not as an excuse to shirk responsibility and blame others. Even if it isn’t your fault. Blame itself does not offer solutions.
As a 100% polyamorous person, most folks first instinct is to ask me how I can manage it without getting jealous and are shocked to hear that, if anything, I feel orders of magnitude less jealousy than I would in an exclusive relationship. The problems they usually cite are problems that would be just as bad if not worse with monogamy, as evidenced by how many peoe cheat in monogamy. Their gut reaction is to imagine it as some sort of cuckold/cuckuean humiliation ritual when it really just comes down to the fact that I’m not perfect, I accept that fact and I want the ones I love to maximize the love they feel by seeking what I can’t provide from others. It’s such a burden off my chest. I can love my wife in the ways I do best and just be happy with that.
I kinda lost track what I was talking about I’m a bit sleep deprived. But I’m happy you and your wife are flourishing and I hope any changes to come only serve to strengthen that 💚🐿️
![Having a good partner [PizzaCake]](https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/3c29d75b-f0f5-4c4b-ad7a-5dd4bfeb0f06.webp){kind=link}
My wife and I are basically attached at the hip. She’s my best friend and we do so much to support each other on all fronts.
Meanwhile in our friend circles, it’s the total opposite. People that are clearly with the wrong partners but refuse to change or grow; one that continues chasing a relationship they’ve admitted is toxic for them; couples that are married out of what seems like trauma alone or they’ve simply drifted due to never communicating; a few with the weird “wife bad lol” boomer mentality; a now-acquaintance that used to always give everyone unsolicited advice, has now started expressing misogynistic views after being perpetually single. Just no capacity for introspection and self-reflection.
My wife and I are by no means perfect, but we are open with each other, we cheer each other on, and we talk through things that bug us. The building blocks are simple but some folks refuse to adhere to them, while constantly wondering what went wrong.
Women have always been the strongest leaders throughout my life. My wife is my world and I personally think that women make better leaders. I’ve never been interested in any of the dumb humor and thought tropes that come out of male circles about women, even dating back to high school. All of that shit has always felt weird and makes me lose respect for the men that lean on that kind of lazy punch-down humor.
Most of my friends in relationships are happy there, but my wife and I are still notoriously happy in ours. I recently had a therapist comment about how we handle conflict surprisingly well after I explained it to her
I agree with everything except that women make better leaders, because i’d rather call it “different”. Leadership styles do differ, but which one is better depends on the situation. My wife was absolutely great at planning and improvising when something went wrong, while not having the calm needed for fine, detailed work - threading a needle was a pain for her, constructing something from Ikea made her really tilt; I OTOH absolutely suck at improvising (planning is fine, although realizing the plans is hard), while having no issue with very sensitive and rather annoying tasks, i simply kept my pace and cool throughout.
We really were a good match in general, and would still be together if it weren’t for my other issues which made us slowly drift apart and smothered what we had. We still care for each other a lot and visit one another every few weeks and message daily, but how it currently stands we are both better off alone.
Strangely I cope a lot better with the situation than her - i have a more active social life than i ever had before because i finally broke free of my permanent mental overload by living alone and being able to set my own rules, while her social circle currently crumbles without a clear reason why (although i think a lot of her acquaintances do resent her for dropping me, and gossip seems to spread like wildfire - she doesn’t deserve that at all, but even where i personally told people that I fully agree with the decision to separate, it doesn’t help at all)
I don’t even think that there exists such thing as “male” or “female” leadership. Leadership is just leadership, it’s genderless, just like a rock is just a rock.
Ultimately, things just do exist, they don’t have genders. If anything, they’re only by their materiality and their objective and/or intrinsical features, not by something so subjective and arbitrary as gender.
Some African and Native South-American “male” leadership styles are more similar to what in the Western culture would be considered a “female” leadership style.
I think the fact that you were able to identify your own struggles, while still maintaining a good relationship is huge. I think “different” is a better descriptor here over my saying it’s “better.” It’s always nuanced and everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. When you find that those blocks all naturally interlock together and you support one another to fill those gaps, that demonstrates a really healthy connection.
Open, honest communication is the foundation for ANY healthy long term relationship. Spousal, friendship, family, all of it. It genuinely baffles me how many people don’t seem to get what that means. It doesn’t mean you need to be perfect. It means you need to approach tension in your relationship in good faith and with intent to fix it as a team, not as an excuse to shirk responsibility and blame others. Even if it isn’t your fault. Blame itself does not offer solutions.
As a 100% polyamorous person, most folks first instinct is to ask me how I can manage it without getting jealous and are shocked to hear that, if anything, I feel orders of magnitude less jealousy than I would in an exclusive relationship. The problems they usually cite are problems that would be just as bad if not worse with monogamy, as evidenced by how many peoe cheat in monogamy. Their gut reaction is to imagine it as some sort of cuckold/cuckuean humiliation ritual when it really just comes down to the fact that I’m not perfect, I accept that fact and I want the ones I love to maximize the love they feel by seeking what I can’t provide from others. It’s such a burden off my chest. I can love my wife in the ways I do best and just be happy with that.
I kinda lost track what I was talking about I’m a bit sleep deprived. But I’m happy you and your wife are flourishing and I hope any changes to come only serve to strengthen that 💚🐿️
I never understood why I should be jealous as a polyamorous person.
Like I also get to bang other people. There’s literally nothing to be jealous of
My wife and I are at the bar patio right now playing board games.
Perfect. What games?
Love this perspective and I feel a lot of the same