You just live with it. I hate that my kid’s father is who he is, but I can’t change it now. I made the best decision I could with the information I had at the time.
I wouldn’t have left my kid’s dad if I hadn’t become a mother. It took seeing how he treated me through my child’s eyes to realize I couldn’t model a relationship like that without seriously damaging my kid.
It’s amazing how we grow by considering ourselves through the lens of others. I wish I could have supported my mother more during her divorce with my dad
Don’t know. We were very firmly on “team dad” at the time, as he seemed the least emotional about it. Only later we realised what a lying sociopath he actually was…
But we’re all good now, and she got us back, and we’re all the better for it
And the ex. I don’t hate my ex wife. I don’t want to be married to her but I don’t hate her. Fortunately we never had kids because I sensed early on that would be a bad idea, and I haven’t seen her in years. But after our divorce I helped her with a car loan (which was stupid as fuck but it worked out fine), and took in her dogs when the city was considering checks and she was behind on rabies shots. I loved her and I wish her happiness. But we brought out the worst in each other and were toxic together.
This is me now. Were currently going through this. Sadly we do have 2 kids. I just see us as toxic and have tried for a few years now to make it work and improve, but ultimately I can’t take her actions. It’s like living with someone with a gambling addiction but for shopping. I don’t get her share of the mortgage money for months and it’s only excuses and somehow my fault. Now that I want this and not backing down it’s also my fault were going through this. All I keep saying is I still love you, but I can’t be with you anymore. House foreclosure, bankruptcy, and you would think she gets it? Nope the final straw was her taking the kids without me to get a dog… a dog when we have no money! And also without my approval! Thankfully I was able to contact the place before pickup and let them know. They even said its mandatory all people in the family be there but she lied and said i had work. They were shocked. I knew right then she will never change and have to save my future.
I like to believe that once you have kids, there’s a narcissism switch with shifts your wants/needs to their wants/needs, but I’ve seen this not happen too many times than I’d like to count, so you’re probably right
Apparently many parents in the US don’t have this happen and most keep on with the single lifestyle long after they have had kids, which really fucks up the kids and then they grow up to be adult narcissist, repeat cycle.
Just being divorced with kids in general is such a hard concept. How do you reconcile the regret with the not-regret?
You just live with it. I hate that my kid’s father is who he is, but I can’t change it now. I made the best decision I could with the information I had at the time.
I wouldn’t have left my kid’s dad if I hadn’t become a mother. It took seeing how he treated me through my child’s eyes to realize I couldn’t model a relationship like that without seriously damaging my kid.
So you just live with it shrug
It’s amazing how we grow by considering ourselves through the lens of others. I wish I could have supported my mother more during her divorce with my dad
Just being her kid was enough support, I promise :)
Don’t know. We were very firmly on “team dad” at the time, as he seemed the least emotional about it. Only later we realised what a lying sociopath he actually was…
But we’re all good now, and she got us back, and we’re all the better for it
Depends how you feel about the kids I suspect.
And the ex. I don’t hate my ex wife. I don’t want to be married to her but I don’t hate her. Fortunately we never had kids because I sensed early on that would be a bad idea, and I haven’t seen her in years. But after our divorce I helped her with a car loan (which was stupid as fuck but it worked out fine), and took in her dogs when the city was considering checks and she was behind on rabies shots. I loved her and I wish her happiness. But we brought out the worst in each other and were toxic together.
This is me now. Were currently going through this. Sadly we do have 2 kids. I just see us as toxic and have tried for a few years now to make it work and improve, but ultimately I can’t take her actions. It’s like living with someone with a gambling addiction but for shopping. I don’t get her share of the mortgage money for months and it’s only excuses and somehow my fault. Now that I want this and not backing down it’s also my fault were going through this. All I keep saying is I still love you, but I can’t be with you anymore. House foreclosure, bankruptcy, and you would think she gets it? Nope the final straw was her taking the kids without me to get a dog… a dog when we have no money! And also without my approval! Thankfully I was able to contact the place before pickup and let them know. They even said its mandatory all people in the family be there but she lied and said i had work. They were shocked. I knew right then she will never change and have to save my future.
It’s like looking in a mirror.
I like to believe that once you have kids, there’s a narcissism switch with shifts your wants/needs to their wants/needs, but I’ve seen this not happen too many times than I’d like to count, so you’re probably right
Apparently many parents in the US don’t have this happen and most keep on with the single lifestyle long after they have had kids, which really fucks up the kids and then they grow up to be adult narcissist, repeat cycle.
rugged individualism is a bitch
We’ve all got a few broken switches, the question is which ones?