I have a girlfriend. She’s sweet, but she ALWAYS talks over me when i’m upset to change the subject or to tell me to look at a cat video or Bluey or Hazbin Hotel funny clips.
i feel so bad for saying this, but when i tried to tell her i was struggling with depression, it took like 3 tries to get her to listen, and all she said was to just be happy and smile.
today, i tried to tell her one of my grandpas died recently and she just talked over me about funny videos and tiktok. even if i tell her to listen, she does‘t or starts getting sad, so even when she says i can tell her anything, i don’t often. Am i in the wrong for that?
Also, she sends laughing emojis when I tell her something like “I have a PTSD diagnosis” on the topic of mental health, and she constantly puts herself down and asks me to give her reasons why she’s a good girlfriend and not “stupid and ugly”.
Married here - if it’s this bad now, you might want to consider how inconsiderate she might be when she’s going through her own shit and really really is in pain herself and it gets worse than this. Is that something you can handle? If not, I’d think twice about marriage. Be really sure about how someone handles their worst moments and how they’ll treat you in those moments before you decide it anchor yourself and yours lives permanently.
If you think she’s worth it, it’s time for couples therapy. They are there for exactly this type of thing.
OP is a teenager. Frankly I think they should have been explicit about that from the start, because the advice is going to be a lot different than for adults. I don’t think it’s healthy for teenagers to rely on romantic partners for mental health support. At that age, neither person actually knows how to provide that. And teen couples therapy would just be… weird. All of this sounds way too serious for 15.
OP, please consider that these are two separate problems. Get therapy for your depression, then decide what you want out of the relationship. At this age, it’s unrealistic to expect your girlfriend to change to meet your emotional needs. Statistically, this will probably not be the person you will marry (anecdotally, all the couples I know who got together this young are not together ten years later). If it feels like the relationship is worsening your mental health, you may be better off without it.
I think there’s a ton of solid advice in here - but I also am realistic in the fact that teenagers get pregnant every minute of every day, so what should be experimenting and getting to know what you like, having less serious fun can turn into a family and marriage with one night of less careful fun, or a broken condom, or bad luck with being the 2 percent that even both being on birth control still doesn’t do the intended job. It’s best to not just assume it’s always something you can treat as just youthful fun, experience, testing the waters. Treat your partners with a seriousness that is deserved because they might be in your lives longer than you intend.
Exactly. Having your needs unfulfilled in a relationship drains your love tank.
When the person who has been draining your love tank suddenly needs a fill-up and finds out you are empty, then disaster is the only possible outcome.
It’s easy to care for someone when you have reserves.
But if she consistently demonstrates that she is not going to fill your love tank, then even if you care for her, it’s better to let her go, because otherwise at some point, something is going to happen, and it’s going to be far worse for the both of you.
I know this is advice for OP, but thank you for putting it so clearly. I needed to hear this too
And I hope it helps someone else as well